The pre-op appointments went fine today. No news about all that really, just blood drawn and discussions of icky things related to the surgery and worse things that will occur immediately following. One good thing, though, I found that I'm getting emotional a bit less often in the doctors' offices now. I think I held it together except for about 30 seconds and then it was just a little tearing up. My appointments lasted a really long time, today. I didn't realize how long I'd be there! I was in appointments from 11:15am to 2:30pm.
Throughout this ordeal, I've been spending a lot of time in doctors' offices and clinics. I've noticed that I always seem to be the most healthy person there - by far. It's strange. It's like I don't belong there at all. One of these things doesn't belong here . . . and it's me.
A few days ago, I wrote that I had made the bilateral mastectomy decision, but I had not accepted it yet. I now think it goes deeper than that. I know I have breast cancer. Cancer. But I haven't accepted that yet either. I still don't think I belong - that I'm not supposed to be there.
I never felt like I had cancer and ask myself all the time, what am I doing?? If I had known about the unrelenting pain, maybe I would have thought differently. Husband assures me I made the right decision. More on my blog...
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