I had an incredible run on an incredibly beautiful day today. I left work an hour later than I wanted to leave which left me no slack time for running but I HAD to run today because it was so great out and this was the only time I could squeeze it in. So I ran and pushed myself. I had about 33 minutes to run and I wanted to do a 5K distance. I pushed myself the whole way. The last mile was the toughest. I did the 5K in 32:50. If you've been looking at my most recent 5K times, you'll see that's pretty impressive for me these days.
My miles were 10:28, 10:44, and 10:47. It's obvious I was pushing myself. I usually get a little faster as my distance increases. Not today. I was maxed out and tiring out all the way. But it felt good. Really good. Especially when I hit the 3.1 distance, started walking, and checked the time. Wow, 32:50 was better than I thought possible with my current fitness.
During the run, I purposely didn't watch my total distance or time and only glanced at my pace a few times. At almost 2 miles, I checked the distance to see how far I still had to go, but I didn't look at elapsed time. My back was acting up a little the last mile, but nothing terrible.
After I ran, I booked to my car and went to the cancer survivors yoga class (arriving exactly on time thanks to my speedy 5K). When I got there, though, I learned that it isn't really a yoga class. It's a "mindfulness in motion" class that uses some yoga techniques. Another class member was also mistaken about the nature of the class. I know this because she also brought a yoga mat. This class takes place predominately in chairs.
We are spending most of the time focusing on breathing and relaxing. It's the "relax your toes, now your ankle, now your calves . . . " kind of thing I remember from college enrichment programs in the residence halls. I didn't like those then because I didn't have time to relax. I had things to get done. If I relaxed, I'd lose the edge and everything would come crashing down. Now that you know this about me, I'm sure it explains much. Now that I'm a lot older and at least somewhat more self-aware, I told the class that it's probably serendipity that I was in this class. It's the only class on the James class schedule that I could fit into my schedule and it's about how to relax. I probably need this more than flexibility improvement. I don't WANT it more than flexibility improvement, but I probably need it more. We'll see if I stick with it for the 6 or 8 weeks or whatever this class runs. I might. The class is also a study for a professor so we have to complete a packet over the 6 or 8 weeks and do daily mindfulness practice with a CD.
I'm really glad I didn't forego running today because I could get my exercise from the yoga class. I would have been disappointed. Since I already got the exercise in, I was able to avoid the disappointment and I tried to focus on relaxing and being in the moment (not easy for me). I did just fine. I know this because on the way home I listened to . . . I can't believe I'm admitting to this . . . Miley Cyrus' The Climb and sang along (yes, adding shame to shame, I know all the lyrics, too).
Well, at least I tried to sing along. I got choked up several times. I'm a lyrics person and the lyrics of this song are about always striving for something difficult, not giving up, fighting uphill battles, etc. Sound familiar from my description of the college me? Can't relax or I'll lose the edge . . . always feeling like I'm rolling a huge ball uphill . . . . And, as if the college reminder wasn't enough emotional fodder, today the words "sometimes I'm gonna have to lose" - reminded me of cancer. Those lyrics never brought cancer to my mind before, but since I just spent an hour with cancer survivors . . . .
But wait . . . I didn't lose to cancer. I won. But someday I won't. I have this feeling it will get me someday. Not today. Not for a long time. But I've learned of my mortality. And someday I'm gonna have to lose. It's not fair. I work hard. I play fair. I'm good to others. People like that should win. We all should. Win-win. That's my motto fueled by my overdeveloped belief in justice. Okay, so I'm not 100% sure cancer will get me. It could. We all will go someday of some ailment. I just hope I've held it off long enough to make a difference for my children, husband, parents, friends, colleagues . . . .
I have another confession to make. That Disney star's pop song was actually on my MP3 player, not on the radio. So I played it over and over again on the way home until I could sing it without choking up. It took a few times, but I was able to do it.
So, I guess the class put me in touch with my emotions and gave me some time to reflect. I haven't really taken much time for reflection, I've just jumped back into the craziness that is my life and that keeps me moving foward, having accomplishments, and believing I'm happy. It may be good for me to stop the world for awhile and reflect. Not comfortable, mind you, but probably good.
Okay, one last shocking revelation: I actually like Miley.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Perseverance
I tried to run today. It was supposed to rain all day, but there was a sunny break at 3pm and it was so unexpected that I thought I'd go out to loosen up my legs. I found it was my hips that were tight, the right one predominantly. So I ended up doing just one mile at 11:04 and then I walked a half mile with varied strides to try to loosen up a bit.
I spent the morning helping Jason with his homework project, the afternoon at the grocery store and Blockbuster, and the early evening watching parts of the kids' cartoon movie. After the kids went to bed, I watched Adam, and it was great. It was probably one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, but the trailers don't really do it justice. I was really touched and inspired by Adam's courage and perseverance. How he handled having Asperger's was inspiring and helped me realize that my plight is temporary and doesn't take near the courage as other diseases and syndromes that people deal with every day.
Today my issue is that the expanders are tugging a bit at the stitches and it's uncomfortable. I assume it's because of the long run yesterday. It's not affecting my motion or running or anything, it's just annoying. I'm also feeling frustrated with my weight, sporadic activity level, and motivation. I'm starting a once-a-week yoga class for cancer survivors on Tuesday. I'm one of the least flexible people you have ever met (it's true) and it affects my other activities frequently, so this should be good. It's not as good as a daily class or 3 days a week, but it's certainly better than nothing. Maybe added with my sporadic running, my body will behave like that of an active person. It could happen.
I spent the morning helping Jason with his homework project, the afternoon at the grocery store and Blockbuster, and the early evening watching parts of the kids' cartoon movie. After the kids went to bed, I watched Adam, and it was great. It was probably one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, but the trailers don't really do it justice. I was really touched and inspired by Adam's courage and perseverance. How he handled having Asperger's was inspiring and helped me realize that my plight is temporary and doesn't take near the courage as other diseases and syndromes that people deal with every day.
Today my issue is that the expanders are tugging a bit at the stitches and it's uncomfortable. I assume it's because of the long run yesterday. It's not affecting my motion or running or anything, it's just annoying. I'm also feeling frustrated with my weight, sporadic activity level, and motivation. I'm starting a once-a-week yoga class for cancer survivors on Tuesday. I'm one of the least flexible people you have ever met (it's true) and it affects my other activities frequently, so this should be good. It's not as good as a daily class or 3 days a week, but it's certainly better than nothing. Maybe added with my sporadic running, my body will behave like that of an active person. It could happen.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Great run today - 7 miles!
What a great day. And I ran. Maybe those things are related. Probably they are.
Ken freaked out when he saw on my Garmin download that I ran 7 miles today. I did really traverse 7 miles, but some of it was walking, however not as much as you'd think given my lax training lately. No soreness or injury issues to report despite the distance today. My calves were pretty tight at the end, but not a problem at all.
My miles were 11:52, 11:29, 10:55, 11:14, 10:20, 12:02, and 17:52. I didn't set out to run any specific distance, I just did what I wanted. Although it was tough to make myself go outside, I didn't feel rushed at all and ended up having a great run. I ran the 5K distance in just under 35 minutes (the last 1/4 mile was pretty fast for me). Then I walked about 30 seconds before running again. After about a mile, I decided I'd try to do 5 miles in under an hour and the last 3/4 of the 5th mile was pretty fast. I hit the 5 mile mark at about 56 minutes. Then I walked another 30 or 40 seconds and took off running again, this time thinking I'd do the 10K distance. I had to walk a little during the 6th mile to address an MP3 player issue, but I finished the 10K in about 1:09. Then I walked the rest of the 7th mile.
It was a bit chilly today, low 30's, but sunny and nice. I started out with running tights with shorts over them, a long sleeved t-shirt, a light zip-up sweatshirt, stocking hat, and gloves. Mile 1 and 2 were loops around my house so I ended up dropping the gloves, jacket and hat pretty early in the process. The total time out there was an hour and 25 minutes. With such a great run, I was entertaining thoughts of the Capitol City half marathon on May 1. I'm worried it would be depressing though because there would be NO WAY I could beat or do as well as my only half marathon run of just under 2:30. Of course, I had the pesky issue of cancer since then and then there is the fact that I was thoroughly trained for the 2008 half and I'm not remotely trained now. But, hey, still. I'm afraid I'd be discouraged. I think my friend Eunice is doing that race. She'd certainly kick my butt, as well she should. She's more than thoroughly trained.
Anyway, I'm pretty psyched about my run today. It wasn't fast, but was the furthest I've run in a very long time. Also I was impressed that I was able to pick up the pace a couple of times to run a sub-10-min mile pace for 1/4 and later a 3/4 mile. That's also good.
I remember this feeling from training for the half. The first mile or two is always tougher than subsequent miles and it's easier to stop and to assume you are "done" and woefully out of shape. Today I ran my fastest mile as mile 5. And though my times slowed after that, mile 6 was a faster pace most of the time, it's just the walking twice that eased my time into the 12 min mile range.
If it's a gorgous day where you are, or even if it isn't, get out there and walk or run or do whatever it is that will improve your day. I know that I certainly need to do more of this.
Beth posted this fun dancing youtube video on her blog and I thought I'd pass it along to you all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY
Click it for a smile.
Ken freaked out when he saw on my Garmin download that I ran 7 miles today. I did really traverse 7 miles, but some of it was walking, however not as much as you'd think given my lax training lately. No soreness or injury issues to report despite the distance today. My calves were pretty tight at the end, but not a problem at all.
My miles were 11:52, 11:29, 10:55, 11:14, 10:20, 12:02, and 17:52. I didn't set out to run any specific distance, I just did what I wanted. Although it was tough to make myself go outside, I didn't feel rushed at all and ended up having a great run. I ran the 5K distance in just under 35 minutes (the last 1/4 mile was pretty fast for me). Then I walked about 30 seconds before running again. After about a mile, I decided I'd try to do 5 miles in under an hour and the last 3/4 of the 5th mile was pretty fast. I hit the 5 mile mark at about 56 minutes. Then I walked another 30 or 40 seconds and took off running again, this time thinking I'd do the 10K distance. I had to walk a little during the 6th mile to address an MP3 player issue, but I finished the 10K in about 1:09. Then I walked the rest of the 7th mile.
It was a bit chilly today, low 30's, but sunny and nice. I started out with running tights with shorts over them, a long sleeved t-shirt, a light zip-up sweatshirt, stocking hat, and gloves. Mile 1 and 2 were loops around my house so I ended up dropping the gloves, jacket and hat pretty early in the process. The total time out there was an hour and 25 minutes. With such a great run, I was entertaining thoughts of the Capitol City half marathon on May 1. I'm worried it would be depressing though because there would be NO WAY I could beat or do as well as my only half marathon run of just under 2:30. Of course, I had the pesky issue of cancer since then and then there is the fact that I was thoroughly trained for the 2008 half and I'm not remotely trained now. But, hey, still. I'm afraid I'd be discouraged. I think my friend Eunice is doing that race. She'd certainly kick my butt, as well she should. She's more than thoroughly trained.
Anyway, I'm pretty psyched about my run today. It wasn't fast, but was the furthest I've run in a very long time. Also I was impressed that I was able to pick up the pace a couple of times to run a sub-10-min mile pace for 1/4 and later a 3/4 mile. That's also good.
I remember this feeling from training for the half. The first mile or two is always tougher than subsequent miles and it's easier to stop and to assume you are "done" and woefully out of shape. Today I ran my fastest mile as mile 5. And though my times slowed after that, mile 6 was a faster pace most of the time, it's just the walking twice that eased my time into the 12 min mile range.
If it's a gorgous day where you are, or even if it isn't, get out there and walk or run or do whatever it is that will improve your day. I know that I certainly need to do more of this.
Beth posted this fun dancing youtube video on her blog and I thought I'd pass it along to you all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY
Click it for a smile.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Jason's night
Tonight was Mother/Son night at Jason's elementary school. The theme was "out of this world" and they showed Star Wars in the cafeteria, had dodge ball (meteor shower) in the gym, created hover crafts (a cds and balloon craft project), and played Saturn rings (toilet bowl toss) and bingo (no idea how that fits).
They also encouraged us to "dress as your favorite alien." I thought of Mork (Mork and Mindy) and that certainly dated me. I figured the easy thing to do would be to dress as Darth Vader with my graduation robe and Jason's Darth mask from several Halloween's ago. However, I learned before going that Jason's friends' mothers weren't dressing up so I decided to skip that part so I'd be better at dodge ball. Jason dressed as an alien with a rubbery half-mask and red furry hands he got at a post-Halloween sale. He looked great and it was easy to take off for dodge ball.
It was fun hanging out with just Jason tonight. Val had a friend over and Ken took them to the movies (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) so they weren't home when Jason and I got back from our event. So we extended the mother/son night and played dominos for an hour. He loves dominos - and no wonder - he won every time, except for the two truce games.
I haven't run all week . . . not since last Saturday and then it was a short run/walk. I should have left work early today run in since it was such a nice day. I didn't. Maybe tomorrow? I should have time. But it's not always about the time, is it?
They also encouraged us to "dress as your favorite alien." I thought of Mork (Mork and Mindy) and that certainly dated me. I figured the easy thing to do would be to dress as Darth Vader with my graduation robe and Jason's Darth mask from several Halloween's ago. However, I learned before going that Jason's friends' mothers weren't dressing up so I decided to skip that part so I'd be better at dodge ball. Jason dressed as an alien with a rubbery half-mask and red furry hands he got at a post-Halloween sale. He looked great and it was easy to take off for dodge ball.
It was fun hanging out with just Jason tonight. Val had a friend over and Ken took them to the movies (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) so they weren't home when Jason and I got back from our event. So we extended the mother/son night and played dominos for an hour. He loves dominos - and no wonder - he won every time, except for the two truce games.
I haven't run all week . . . not since last Saturday and then it was a short run/walk. I should have left work early today run in since it was such a nice day. I didn't. Maybe tomorrow? I should have time. But it's not always about the time, is it?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Girlfriends
Had a wonderful night last night with some women friends. We had wine and beer and snacks and just sat around the living room talking. I got home at about 9:30, I think, so 3 or 4 hours of respite.
When they asked how I was doing, I told them I was annoyed with my breasts now.
I'm annoyed they are in the way all the time: I can't squish myself down between the van and the recycle can to pick up missed shots. I can't sleep too long on either side and it's generally uncomfortable in bed. I bump them on tables and doors and things and am annoyed about the bump and even more annoyed that I can't feel the bump.
I'm annoyed they are too big for my clothes to look good: I wear a lot of jackets and shirts as jackets to make them seem smaller. The women last night said they don't seem big too them - one of the women said they were probably smaller than hers and she could relate to me being concerned about the size. I know they will be at least 20% smaller when we're done. I just wish we were done now. We go to Florida next week and I'm already finding that spring clothes are worse than winter. I'm sure my summer clothes will be worse than spring clothes for fit and such. Anne told me to just suck it up and buy something now. I know she's right. But with just 2 months to go, it seems like such a waste. And I won't like whatever I buy anyway. It's not the clothes that annoy me, after all.
I'm annoyed they are hard and unmoving: I'm starting to feel like a mannequin. I saw a naked mannequin in the store the other day and actually related to her. That's not good.
As I was complaining about all these things, they all agreed that "annoyed" is great. How great to be annoyed by brick breasts instead of despondent, sick, in pain, depressed, etc. They made me feel pretty good about how I've gotten through all this mentally. It hasn't been a piece of cake and I get down on myself sometimes even now, but not any more than I did before all this happened. I've moved on with it and am in a pretty good place mentally - and physically, really. One of them even said that my words were complaining but my attitude and such didn't really match the words. I was okay with being annoyed. I was being flip about it. She's right. I'm doing fine and I'm grateful for that.
On the way home from the great evening out, I called Lee Ann in Nebraska and we had a talk, too. She's a single mom in a human services field (read: she helps others all the time) and she's on her last class of her Masters (public policy). She graduates in May. Amazing. I don't know how she does it. She's a superwoman! I really, really, really want to be there for her graduation, but I've got an important retreat at work that I don't think I can miss. Why can't those inventors figure out that two-places-at-once technology, or at least the beaming us where we need to be to avoid the travel time?
Michelle joined our Race for the Cure team. Thanks, Michelle! Any other takers? See my previous post to learn how to join us.
Good times. Good friends. Life is good.
When they asked how I was doing, I told them I was annoyed with my breasts now.
I'm annoyed they are in the way all the time: I can't squish myself down between the van and the recycle can to pick up missed shots. I can't sleep too long on either side and it's generally uncomfortable in bed. I bump them on tables and doors and things and am annoyed about the bump and even more annoyed that I can't feel the bump.
I'm annoyed they are too big for my clothes to look good: I wear a lot of jackets and shirts as jackets to make them seem smaller. The women last night said they don't seem big too them - one of the women said they were probably smaller than hers and she could relate to me being concerned about the size. I know they will be at least 20% smaller when we're done. I just wish we were done now. We go to Florida next week and I'm already finding that spring clothes are worse than winter. I'm sure my summer clothes will be worse than spring clothes for fit and such. Anne told me to just suck it up and buy something now. I know she's right. But with just 2 months to go, it seems like such a waste. And I won't like whatever I buy anyway. It's not the clothes that annoy me, after all.
I'm annoyed they are hard and unmoving: I'm starting to feel like a mannequin. I saw a naked mannequin in the store the other day and actually related to her. That's not good.
As I was complaining about all these things, they all agreed that "annoyed" is great. How great to be annoyed by brick breasts instead of despondent, sick, in pain, depressed, etc. They made me feel pretty good about how I've gotten through all this mentally. It hasn't been a piece of cake and I get down on myself sometimes even now, but not any more than I did before all this happened. I've moved on with it and am in a pretty good place mentally - and physically, really. One of them even said that my words were complaining but my attitude and such didn't really match the words. I was okay with being annoyed. I was being flip about it. She's right. I'm doing fine and I'm grateful for that.
On the way home from the great evening out, I called Lee Ann in Nebraska and we had a talk, too. She's a single mom in a human services field (read: she helps others all the time) and she's on her last class of her Masters (public policy). She graduates in May. Amazing. I don't know how she does it. She's a superwoman! I really, really, really want to be there for her graduation, but I've got an important retreat at work that I don't think I can miss. Why can't those inventors figure out that two-places-at-once technology, or at least the beaming us where we need to be to avoid the travel time?
Michelle joined our Race for the Cure team. Thanks, Michelle! Any other takers? See my previous post to learn how to join us.
Good times. Good friends. Life is good.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Spring is here!
What a beautiful weekend. I got a run in, but I ran on a trail . . . in the spring. . . in the mud, so it certainly isn't worth giving mile pace stats. I walked as much (or more) than I ran. But it was great to get out and enjoy spring.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, Beth had her surgery. Most recently she notes that she is so happy with the improvement over the expanders. She even mentions how soft they are. Ahhh, soft. I remember soft. Oh how I long for soft again. I've had enough of the bricks.
I was doing so much better because I wasn't hurting and I could run and even play volleyball . . . so I thought all was okay for awhile. However, now that we're in springtime, I'm getting very impatient. My more summer-like clothes do much less covering of these huge melons and I think the skin around them is getting more pliable but the insides aren't. The result is more tugging at the stitches. That doesn't cause lots of pain (yet) but it is annoying, mostly at night when trying to sleep. I can foresee a time when it will be a problem when running. I hope that doesn't come too soon before the Race for the Cure. I still plan to run it.
Come and run or walk with us! Tom Reeves joined and he is walking the distance. Thanks, Tom! Ken and Jason will probably walk/run. Val may try to run or walk/run. I plan to run slowly.
To join our team go to
http://columbus.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/CLM_ColumbusAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=1644&team_id=128827
and click on the Join Team link as shown in the pic below. The site isn't designed very well (my team would do a more intuitive design - kudos for Dan/Lyndsay/Corey/Brent/Keith!) but don't be discouraged by the design. If you click on the Join Team link, it will walk you through the process to sign up and will automatically add you to our team, even though words on the sign up pages make it seem like you are signing up with no team.
You can also go to the team site to donate without walking/running. Just click on a person's name or the Donate to the Team button to offer a contribution to this great cause. Let's make this experience less tramatic for all the women who will go through this ordeal in the years to come . . . and for all the girls like Valerie who I hope will have better ways for clear detection.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, Beth had her surgery. Most recently she notes that she is so happy with the improvement over the expanders. She even mentions how soft they are. Ahhh, soft. I remember soft. Oh how I long for soft again. I've had enough of the bricks.
I was doing so much better because I wasn't hurting and I could run and even play volleyball . . . so I thought all was okay for awhile. However, now that we're in springtime, I'm getting very impatient. My more summer-like clothes do much less covering of these huge melons and I think the skin around them is getting more pliable but the insides aren't. The result is more tugging at the stitches. That doesn't cause lots of pain (yet) but it is annoying, mostly at night when trying to sleep. I can foresee a time when it will be a problem when running. I hope that doesn't come too soon before the Race for the Cure. I still plan to run it.
Come and run or walk with us! Tom Reeves joined and he is walking the distance. Thanks, Tom! Ken and Jason will probably walk/run. Val may try to run or walk/run. I plan to run slowly.
To join our team go to
http://columbus.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/CLM_ColumbusAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=1644&team_id=128827
and click on the Join Team link as shown in the pic below. The site isn't designed very well (my team would do a more intuitive design - kudos for Dan/Lyndsay/Corey/Brent/Keith!) but don't be discouraged by the design. If you click on the Join Team link, it will walk you through the process to sign up and will automatically add you to our team, even though words on the sign up pages make it seem like you are signing up with no team.
You can also go to the team site to donate without walking/running. Just click on a person's name or the Donate to the Team button to offer a contribution to this great cause. Let's make this experience less tramatic for all the women who will go through this ordeal in the years to come . . . and for all the girls like Valerie who I hope will have better ways for clear detection.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
5 miler & milestone for Beth
Beth had her implant surgery today. I've been pulling for her and posted some comments on her blogs. Send her your "healing" prayers or vibes or both.
Today I ran 5 miles in beautiful weather (58 degrees F and sunny). My miles were 11:53, 11:44, 11:39, 11:23, and 10:56. My 5K was 36:22, so I'm still very, very slow. I could have run longer today, though. I didn't feel "spent" but I just ran out of time and patience.
I'm also glad to report that my back didn't start to twinge until after 3.5 miles today and even then it didn't get to the painful point. For a few weeks, it would start to hurt at 1.5 miles and I'd have to fight through the pain and adjust my pace and form to compensate. Not today. Yea!
My parents were visiting most of the past week and we had a wonderful time. We looked at houses to get a feel for the market since they are considering a move here at some point in the next few (2-5?) years. We also finished the backsplash on our basement kitchenette.
The electricity in the backsplash was installed on top of the tile by the upper cabinets to ensure a clean-looking backsplash. The electrical unit we used is really cool and is made in Kearney, Nebraska. The switch for the disposal is just inside the left lower cabinet door. The countertop is black granite. It is reflecting the backsplash in the picture. We installed the Ikea cabinets, sink, and appliances in last summer.
Dad also boxed in our basement poles in a way that is architecturally pleasing and added an outlet to one of them. Now the place is looking much more finished and less like a basement.
Ken needs to finish the caulking where the tile meets the countertop and cabinets (black on the bottom and sides, white on the top) and I still have one more coat of paint to apply to the pole boxes. Then it's on to the next project. I wonder what we will choose to do. Perhaps a new shower and tankless water heater for our master bath? We have a pre-teen girl using all the hot water for morning showers and, even more importantly, our shower is leaking and threatening our beautiful basement. Hmmm, that project seems like a likely candidate for significant impact.
Today I ran 5 miles in beautiful weather (58 degrees F and sunny). My miles were 11:53, 11:44, 11:39, 11:23, and 10:56. My 5K was 36:22, so I'm still very, very slow. I could have run longer today, though. I didn't feel "spent" but I just ran out of time and patience.
I'm also glad to report that my back didn't start to twinge until after 3.5 miles today and even then it didn't get to the painful point. For a few weeks, it would start to hurt at 1.5 miles and I'd have to fight through the pain and adjust my pace and form to compensate. Not today. Yea!
My parents were visiting most of the past week and we had a wonderful time. We looked at houses to get a feel for the market since they are considering a move here at some point in the next few (2-5?) years. We also finished the backsplash on our basement kitchenette.
The electricity in the backsplash was installed on top of the tile by the upper cabinets to ensure a clean-looking backsplash. The electrical unit we used is really cool and is made in Kearney, Nebraska. The switch for the disposal is just inside the left lower cabinet door. The countertop is black granite. It is reflecting the backsplash in the picture. We installed the Ikea cabinets, sink, and appliances in last summer.
Dad also boxed in our basement poles in a way that is architecturally pleasing and added an outlet to one of them. Now the place is looking much more finished and less like a basement.
Ken needs to finish the caulking where the tile meets the countertop and cabinets (black on the bottom and sides, white on the top) and I still have one more coat of paint to apply to the pole boxes. Then it's on to the next project. I wonder what we will choose to do. Perhaps a new shower and tankless water heater for our master bath? We have a pre-teen girl using all the hot water for morning showers and, even more importantly, our shower is leaking and threatening our beautiful basement. Hmmm, that project seems like a likely candidate for significant impact.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Houses and Big Red Lodge
My parents flew in from Nebraska last night and it was so good to see them that I stayed up way too late talking. We were trying to narrow down houses to ask our realtor to line up for us to see while they are here. I've seen several perfect houses for them, unfortunately, most of them are not for sale.
The optimal house would be one of the following: a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a 3 car garage in a subdivision in which the houses are far apart OR a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch that is not in a subdivision but has a large separate building for a workshop (at least 1 car garage size, 2 would be better) or room enough for Dad to build one. Dad would prefer the house out of the subdivision so it would be more farm-like, but he is willing to be flexible about that. For Mom, the house needs an updated interior, good room layout/design, first floor laundry (not in basement), a location that includes neighbors, and 1600 sq ft main floor with a basement or 2000 sq ft with no basement. All of this for under $200K.
I know it sounds impossible to find, but there are a few good candidates that are in or near Pickerington.
Today Ken and I went for a tour of Ohio Health's Big Red Lodge and learned about the Healthy Escapes Weekend getaways they offer. It sounds great. I can't believe they have those little cabins in the woods in the middle of the city. Also, the weekend package includes a 2 or 4 hour training session with a certified trainer who works with you on your fitness goals and creates a workout plan for the weekend and beyond. They even follow-up with you after you leave to see how it's going. I think the price is $199 for one night (with the 2 hour training session). There is a different price for the 4 hour session or for 2 nights. For more money, they have an option to do a digital analysis of your run mechanics or golf swing with sensors and a video camera. For me, it would be good to try to figure out why my IT bands are always so tight when I run regularly . . . and why my lower back has been killing me after a mile and a half on the road. Are my running mechanics to blame?
It was a busy day with my parents and then the lodge tour, so I didn't get out to run until almost 6pm. I didn't have much time before dinner, but I figured I should do a light run anyway after my 10K. I was sore (and still am) from that crazy run on Monday. So Ken helped me stretch a little and then I went out. I did just 2 miles and was sluggish, sore, and not "feelin' it" at all, despite perfect weather. The miles were 11:03 and 10:45 and then I walked a half mile at a 17 minute mile pace. I thought it might loosen me up, but my back tightened up at the customary 1.5 miles and hurt quite a bit through the last half. The faster I run, the more it hurts and the less I can control the pain and run through it.
Today we got a start on tiling the backsplash for our basement kitchennette and Dad build a box needed to cover one of the poles in the basement. Tomorrow we'll try to make more progress on those projects. I really like being able to do these things. It's so fun to see it take shape.
The optimal house would be one of the following: a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a 3 car garage in a subdivision in which the houses are far apart OR a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch that is not in a subdivision but has a large separate building for a workshop (at least 1 car garage size, 2 would be better) or room enough for Dad to build one. Dad would prefer the house out of the subdivision so it would be more farm-like, but he is willing to be flexible about that. For Mom, the house needs an updated interior, good room layout/design, first floor laundry (not in basement), a location that includes neighbors, and 1600 sq ft main floor with a basement or 2000 sq ft with no basement. All of this for under $200K.
I know it sounds impossible to find, but there are a few good candidates that are in or near Pickerington.
Today Ken and I went for a tour of Ohio Health's Big Red Lodge and learned about the Healthy Escapes Weekend getaways they offer. It sounds great. I can't believe they have those little cabins in the woods in the middle of the city. Also, the weekend package includes a 2 or 4 hour training session with a certified trainer who works with you on your fitness goals and creates a workout plan for the weekend and beyond. They even follow-up with you after you leave to see how it's going. I think the price is $199 for one night (with the 2 hour training session). There is a different price for the 4 hour session or for 2 nights. For more money, they have an option to do a digital analysis of your run mechanics or golf swing with sensors and a video camera. For me, it would be good to try to figure out why my IT bands are always so tight when I run regularly . . . and why my lower back has been killing me after a mile and a half on the road. Are my running mechanics to blame?
It was a busy day with my parents and then the lodge tour, so I didn't get out to run until almost 6pm. I didn't have much time before dinner, but I figured I should do a light run anyway after my 10K. I was sore (and still am) from that crazy run on Monday. So Ken helped me stretch a little and then I went out. I did just 2 miles and was sluggish, sore, and not "feelin' it" at all, despite perfect weather. The miles were 11:03 and 10:45 and then I walked a half mile at a 17 minute mile pace. I thought it might loosen me up, but my back tightened up at the customary 1.5 miles and hurt quite a bit through the last half. The faster I run, the more it hurts and the less I can control the pain and run through it.
Today we got a start on tiling the backsplash for our basement kitchennette and Dad build a box needed to cover one of the poles in the basement. Tomorrow we'll try to make more progress on those projects. I really like being able to do these things. It's so fun to see it take shape.
Monday, March 8, 2010
10K today!
And I ran the whole thing! Yes, the whole 10K (6.2 miles). The weather was BEAUTIFUL, 50s and sunny with no wind and I was never too hot or cold during the run. I ran very slowly so my breathing didn't get labored either. I listened to music the whole time. It was a very nice, easy run.
Well, it wasn't EASY, easy. My back started tightening up at 1.5 miles again, but I fought it the whole rest of the way so it wouldn't stop me. By fought it, I actually mean I did the opposite of fighting. I purposely relaxed as much as possible, slowed down when needed, moved my center of gravity back a bit, breathed deeply sending the oxygen to my lower back, etc. I don't know if it hurt less today or if I just refused to let it sideline me on such a great day when my wind, legs, and attitude were cooperating.
My miles were 11:29, 11:53, 12:08, 11:51, 12:09, 12:01, and then the last .8 miles was 12:53 (after finishing strong on the final .2 for the 10K, I walked a cool down). The Garmin said I burned 759 calories. I don't wear the heartrate monitor though. My 5K was something extremely slow like 36:30 and the 10K was 1:14:00. It's tough to see the very slow times when the run felt like such an accomplishment. Oh well, I still feel great for having run that far without any walking.
Mile 2 contained a very short but very steep hill. As I approached the hill, there were 2 other exercisers also approaching and I was getting nervous because I was going the fastest (unbelievable, I know) and I wondered how we'd all converge on that steep incline, but the other two hit the bottom of the hill and then turned around. I couldn't believe it. Both of them skipped the hill and went back the way they came. And they weren't even running together. Crazy. So I was able to do my football player-like leg pump with short steps to get up the incline and then was began running again at pretty much the pace before the hill. That's great for me. Often that hill kills me and I sometimes have to walk at the top to catch my breath. I rarely take a route that brings me to the hill, usually just on long runs when I'm training for something more than a 5K.
Today, part of what motivated me to keep running was that I wanted to run around some different neighborhoods to check out the houses and see if I could find any for sale. My parents are considering moving here sometime in the foreseeable future and so we are learning about the market and trying to find houses they may like. I suppose if we found the perfect house, they may decide they have to buy it now and then we'd have to rent it or something until they are ready to move. Or maybe they would just let it go and find another good house when they are ready. It's such a great buyers market now, though. But it's only great if you want to buy now, I guess.
My grandmother is doing better. She was moved to a larger hospital in a town about 20 miles away when she was going through the worst of it. Now she's back in her hometown hospital which I know is more comfortable for her. Her daughter, my Aunt Kathy is there this week looking after her and her care.
Well, it wasn't EASY, easy. My back started tightening up at 1.5 miles again, but I fought it the whole rest of the way so it wouldn't stop me. By fought it, I actually mean I did the opposite of fighting. I purposely relaxed as much as possible, slowed down when needed, moved my center of gravity back a bit, breathed deeply sending the oxygen to my lower back, etc. I don't know if it hurt less today or if I just refused to let it sideline me on such a great day when my wind, legs, and attitude were cooperating.
My miles were 11:29, 11:53, 12:08, 11:51, 12:09, 12:01, and then the last .8 miles was 12:53 (after finishing strong on the final .2 for the 10K, I walked a cool down). The Garmin said I burned 759 calories. I don't wear the heartrate monitor though. My 5K was something extremely slow like 36:30 and the 10K was 1:14:00. It's tough to see the very slow times when the run felt like such an accomplishment. Oh well, I still feel great for having run that far without any walking.
Mile 2 contained a very short but very steep hill. As I approached the hill, there were 2 other exercisers also approaching and I was getting nervous because I was going the fastest (unbelievable, I know) and I wondered how we'd all converge on that steep incline, but the other two hit the bottom of the hill and then turned around. I couldn't believe it. Both of them skipped the hill and went back the way they came. And they weren't even running together. Crazy. So I was able to do my football player-like leg pump with short steps to get up the incline and then was began running again at pretty much the pace before the hill. That's great for me. Often that hill kills me and I sometimes have to walk at the top to catch my breath. I rarely take a route that brings me to the hill, usually just on long runs when I'm training for something more than a 5K.
Today, part of what motivated me to keep running was that I wanted to run around some different neighborhoods to check out the houses and see if I could find any for sale. My parents are considering moving here sometime in the foreseeable future and so we are learning about the market and trying to find houses they may like. I suppose if we found the perfect house, they may decide they have to buy it now and then we'd have to rent it or something until they are ready to move. Or maybe they would just let it go and find another good house when they are ready. It's such a great buyers market now, though. But it's only great if you want to buy now, I guess.
My grandmother is doing better. She was moved to a larger hospital in a town about 20 miles away when she was going through the worst of it. Now she's back in her hometown hospital which I know is more comfortable for her. Her daughter, my Aunt Kathy is there this week looking after her and her care.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Volleyball
I played volleyball tonight. The kids and I met Jeff and Jen and some soccer friends at an Easton restaurant to deliver their girl scout cookies and to catch up with them. I also went to DSW to replace my brown sketchers which broke this week. On the way home we stopped at Kroger to pick up a few things (Jeff, our store didn't have the somoa ice cream, just the thin mint), and Ken called me on my mobile. One of their women players sprained an ankle and they needed a substitute NOW. I was about 2 miles away with groceries in the cart, but I went through the self checkout line and drove directly there.
So I showed up to play my first volleyball game in what seems like years . . . in jeans. At least I had my running shoes on (that's a long story involving a sad tale of me planning a walk and never getting it done, I don't usually wear my running shoes except to walk/run for exercise). I did quickly learn that jeans are not like knee pads, though. Ouch. I have a reflex to hit the floor with my knees first when a ball comes just out of my reach and I just can't squelch it. Each time I did it, it hurt worse, so I eventually quit being an over-achiever.
I missed my first serve - it was pitiful. But I didn't give up. I ended up missing 2 serves during the games but I also got 5 or 6 over, so that's not too bad given that I haven't played in a long time, I haven't done ANYTHING with my arm over my head like that for a long time, and I didn't get a chance to warm up. My sets were okay. We got 5 or 6 good hits off them. I also had at least 2 good saves and two net plays (one on top of the net) that I successfully managed and kept the ball in play. My passing wasn't that great, but I attribute at least half of that problem to the lack of knee pads.
Ken's team ended up winning the game 2 out of 3 (I got there half-way through the second match). Ken was so nice about me being there too. I got him a couple of good sets, so it was like the "good old days" when we played together several nights a week. He said I did a great job and it was wonderful to have me out there again. It was for me too. Thanks, Ken!
So I showed up to play my first volleyball game in what seems like years . . . in jeans. At least I had my running shoes on (that's a long story involving a sad tale of me planning a walk and never getting it done, I don't usually wear my running shoes except to walk/run for exercise). I did quickly learn that jeans are not like knee pads, though. Ouch. I have a reflex to hit the floor with my knees first when a ball comes just out of my reach and I just can't squelch it. Each time I did it, it hurt worse, so I eventually quit being an over-achiever.
I missed my first serve - it was pitiful. But I didn't give up. I ended up missing 2 serves during the games but I also got 5 or 6 over, so that's not too bad given that I haven't played in a long time, I haven't done ANYTHING with my arm over my head like that for a long time, and I didn't get a chance to warm up. My sets were okay. We got 5 or 6 good hits off them. I also had at least 2 good saves and two net plays (one on top of the net) that I successfully managed and kept the ball in play. My passing wasn't that great, but I attribute at least half of that problem to the lack of knee pads.
Ken's team ended up winning the game 2 out of 3 (I got there half-way through the second match). Ken was so nice about me being there too. I got him a couple of good sets, so it was like the "good old days" when we played together several nights a week. He said I did a great job and it was wonderful to have me out there again. It was for me too. Thanks, Ken!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
5 mile day
Today was quite a productive day. Ken picked up the tile for the basement kitchenette backsplash. Ken, Jason, and I picked up the basement. I took Jason to his last basketball game of the season. Ken bought a really nice foldable table that seats 6. Ken and Val held a cookie booth sale at a local store and used the new table. I took Val to get a hair cut, where she sold another 18 boxes of cookies. We drove around several neighborhoods looking for good subdivisions for my parents to live if they move here in the next 2-5 years. And then I ran/walked 5 miles.
I actually only ran 2 miles (again, the back got tight and forced me to walk earlier than I wanted to). Then I walked/ran the 3rd mile, ran the 4th mile, and walked/ran the 5th mile. The miles were 11:42, 11:17, 14:43, 10:32 and 13:57. I was out for an hour and three minutes. I'm tight now and need to do lots of stretching tonight.
Since I made note of my weight loss working, it stopped doing so. Jinxed it, I guess. It's hard to justify the cost/benefit analysis if you just look at the numbers on the scale. Is 3 pounds really worth all this crankiness and work and hunger? Nope. I know Mindy is saying - Kel, it's not about the numbers! And I know she's right. It's about being healthier which has long-term gains. After all I've been through this year, you'd think I'd get it that being healthier all the time is so much better than heart disease or cancer or diabetes or whatever I will end up with as a result of carrying this extra weight and not having the aerobic conditioning or flexibility I need for longevity. See, I can write about it. Can I really believe it and buy in? We'll see.
It was a beautiful day to day, by the way. Sunny and in the 40s. The kids played some catch with Ken (softball and baseball) while I was running. Val's bum ankle is in an aircast, but she's doing better. Well, I'd better get in the shower and then help with dinner. I put a pork roast in the crock pot, but now we need to figure out what to go with it.
I actually only ran 2 miles (again, the back got tight and forced me to walk earlier than I wanted to). Then I walked/ran the 3rd mile, ran the 4th mile, and walked/ran the 5th mile. The miles were 11:42, 11:17, 14:43, 10:32 and 13:57. I was out for an hour and three minutes. I'm tight now and need to do lots of stretching tonight.
Since I made note of my weight loss working, it stopped doing so. Jinxed it, I guess. It's hard to justify the cost/benefit analysis if you just look at the numbers on the scale. Is 3 pounds really worth all this crankiness and work and hunger? Nope. I know Mindy is saying - Kel, it's not about the numbers! And I know she's right. It's about being healthier which has long-term gains. After all I've been through this year, you'd think I'd get it that being healthier all the time is so much better than heart disease or cancer or diabetes or whatever I will end up with as a result of carrying this extra weight and not having the aerobic conditioning or flexibility I need for longevity. See, I can write about it. Can I really believe it and buy in? We'll see.
It was a beautiful day to day, by the way. Sunny and in the 40s. The kids played some catch with Ken (softball and baseball) while I was running. Val's bum ankle is in an aircast, but she's doing better. Well, I'd better get in the shower and then help with dinner. I put a pork roast in the crock pot, but now we need to figure out what to go with it.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Ran outside
Today was sunny and upper 30's so I was able to run outside. Unfortunately, Val rolled her ankle at school so I couldn't get her to join me. I ran 3 miles, but with a break between miles 1 and 2 to get water, learn to breathe again, and ensure Val wasn't keeping the ice on her ankle the entire time I was outside. The miles were 10:41, break, 11:15, 11:04, and then I walked a half mile cool down.
The last part of the second mile, my lower back started to send warning signs and the whole last mile I was hurtin', but I didn't want to stop because I wanted to run at least two miles non-stop. I was working hard to relax those muscles and taking deep breaths and sending the oxygen to the worst part of it on my right side. Doing that got me through the mile, but I broke into a walk as soon as the Garmin beeped mile 3. I tried some stretching tonight and will do more before I go to bed. This time I think it is my hips that are tight and putting strain on my back.
The "better fuel for my body" process (thanks Mindy!) is still going well, too. It's only been a week since I got serious about it and I'm already fitting better into my pants and have dropped 3 pounds.
The last part of the second mile, my lower back started to send warning signs and the whole last mile I was hurtin', but I didn't want to stop because I wanted to run at least two miles non-stop. I was working hard to relax those muscles and taking deep breaths and sending the oxygen to the worst part of it on my right side. Doing that got me through the mile, but I broke into a walk as soon as the Garmin beeped mile 3. I tried some stretching tonight and will do more before I go to bed. This time I think it is my hips that are tight and putting strain on my back.
The "better fuel for my body" process (thanks Mindy!) is still going well, too. It's only been a week since I got serious about it and I'm already fitting better into my pants and have dropped 3 pounds.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Girl Scout Cookies
Ken is the troop's Cookie Dad, so we've got something like 1,500 boxes of girl scout cookies in our den. They are in cases of 12 piled high against the walls on either side of the piano. To make room, we had to move the "book chair" which we use all the time for storing things and sometimes for sitting. If the kids lose anything, we always ask, did you look by the book chair? It's on the way out of the house to the garage so everything gets dropped there or purposely put there so it will join us when we go out to the car.
So these cases of cookies have been invading the all important book chair area for almost a week now. Today, Jason walks in the den where Ken is on the computer and asks, "Have our girl scout cookies come in yet?"
What?! Check by the book chair.
So these cases of cookies have been invading the all important book chair area for almost a week now. Today, Jason walks in the den where Ken is on the computer and asks, "Have our girl scout cookies come in yet?"
What?! Check by the book chair.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Reflecting on my treatment decision
I ran on the RPAC track today. Despite doing well on the diet, I had a more energy than the past few running attempts, so that's good. After 1.5 miles though, my lower back was hurting quite a bit - a clear sign that my hamstrings were way too tight. I stopped after 2 miles to stretch and do some ab work for about 20 minutes and then went back to run a third mile and quick-walk a fourth. My miles were 10:47, 10:56, (break),10:52, 15:38.
The diet is going well since I got serious about it, probably Thurs or Fri last week. I'm not that far into it though I've already seen results. The things I'm eating none of include: sweets, white breads, pasta, tortillas, and anything fried. The things I'm eating less often than before: whole grain breads, salad dressing, pria bars, and diet coke. The things I'm eating more often: avocados, fresh spinach, sunflower seeds, oranges, light yogurt, lettuce, tea, and a glass of red wine.
In successful diets in of past, I was much more restrictive in food groups and almost totally cut carbs for at least a couple of weeks and then very, very slowly added them back at one food per week, starting with green beans. It was successful, but I worry it may have contributed to my LCIS becoming ILC. I read something about a researcher looking into a connection between low carb diets and breast cancer, but I don't know of any evidence to support that idea. Regardless of whether diet was a contributing factor, I was okay with that diet when I was a ridiculously healthy person with low cholesterol and good blood pressure - and no cancer and no rehab issues. Unfortunately, I am not that person anymore. Now I need to find a new way to lose and manage my weight while still getting good nutrition.
I haven't written much about cancer/rehab lately because I'm getting on with life right now. I admit that I am reminded often of my plight, however. The other day, I saw a women walking on the RPAC track wearing a bandana and with thin hair peaking out from under it. I created stories about her in my head of course: That she had cancer and endured chemo and is just getting energy back . . . that she had it tougher than I did . . . that she is strong and impressive for beginning the exercising again. Of course, I don't know really know her story. But she reminded me of mine.
As I drove into the parking garage this morning, I heard a teaser on WOSU radio that made me hurry into my office so I could hear the story streaming online before my meeting. It was about an OSU breast cancer researcher who has found that more women are choosing radical treatments for breast cancer than before. She went on to say that prophylactic (proactive) mastectomies are being chosen by breast cancer patients who are in Stage 1, younger, highly educated, and often have a history of breast cancer in the family. I'll bet my case was one of the numbers she included from her database research.
She is researching this phenomenon because she is concerned these cancer patients (we) might have mis-information from doctors informing our decisions. Since the survival rate is the same for those of us who have lumpectomies vs. mastectomies vs. prophylactic mastectomies, she wonders if too many of us are choosing the radical treatment. She did go on to recognize that we are making these choices because we have a lot of life ahead of us and don't want to deal with breast cancer again. However, she thinks the low instance of recurrence (she quoted 8 to 14% for people who do not have the family gene) does not warrant the high instances of prophylactic mastectomy treatment.
I chose to have a mastectomy on the breast with the cancer and a prophylactic mastectomy of the other breast. Since my surgery, I've read about other women with a similar diagnosis (stage 1 ILC and LCIS) who chose the other route that was an option for me, the lumpectomy. I've read about these women (who could be me) enduring chemo and radiation and getting all sorts of other terrible ailments from those treatments. They have longer recovery times and have much less energy for life for months and months. When they are pronounced cancer-free, they start the regimen of taking tamoxifin for 5 years and visit the mammography clinic every 6 months. I know I'm over-generalizing, and everyone has a different treatment plan, but it's not an unrealistic process I describe here. It is very real for many people who were diagnosed with stage 1 ILC and LCIS as I was. And I haven't even mentioned what it is like for the ~1 in 9 women who, despite what sounds like low odds, actually do have a recurrence and start the whole process over again.
I'm not saying that the decision I made was right for everyone. It was right for me, though. And I certainly don't want to discount the concerns of the researcher. I am grateful she is doing the work she is doing and thankful she makes a difference in the lives of women who are touched by this disease. However, in this case, I don't share her concerns. I'm not worried that I made the wrong decision with inaccurate data. I know I probably wouldn't have died from this disease within the next 20 years even if I had chosen the lumpectomy. However, what about the following 20 years? And the following 20 after that? I feel like I've been given a gift to have caught it so early and to not be worried about survival. Would I be so lucky the next time? Next time would it have been stage 2 or worse? Next time would it have gotten into my lymph nodes and required chemo? So I guess I said carpe diem. Besides, there are many more factors than survival at work here.
As tough as the process has been, I've been sidelined for a surprisingly small amount of time. Even in the middle of all this, as I am right now, I am doing pretty much everything I would have been doing if I had not been diagnosed. And I made a major impact on the likelihood that I will not have a recurrence. As the researcher said, I really don't want to go through this again. I no longer have 1 in 10 odds. For me, it's more like 1 in 100 that I'll be diagnosed with breast cancer again.
The diet is going well since I got serious about it, probably Thurs or Fri last week. I'm not that far into it though I've already seen results. The things I'm eating none of include: sweets, white breads, pasta, tortillas, and anything fried. The things I'm eating less often than before: whole grain breads, salad dressing, pria bars, and diet coke. The things I'm eating more often: avocados, fresh spinach, sunflower seeds, oranges, light yogurt, lettuce, tea, and a glass of red wine.
In successful diets in of past, I was much more restrictive in food groups and almost totally cut carbs for at least a couple of weeks and then very, very slowly added them back at one food per week, starting with green beans. It was successful, but I worry it may have contributed to my LCIS becoming ILC. I read something about a researcher looking into a connection between low carb diets and breast cancer, but I don't know of any evidence to support that idea. Regardless of whether diet was a contributing factor, I was okay with that diet when I was a ridiculously healthy person with low cholesterol and good blood pressure - and no cancer and no rehab issues. Unfortunately, I am not that person anymore. Now I need to find a new way to lose and manage my weight while still getting good nutrition.
I haven't written much about cancer/rehab lately because I'm getting on with life right now. I admit that I am reminded often of my plight, however. The other day, I saw a women walking on the RPAC track wearing a bandana and with thin hair peaking out from under it. I created stories about her in my head of course: That she had cancer and endured chemo and is just getting energy back . . . that she had it tougher than I did . . . that she is strong and impressive for beginning the exercising again. Of course, I don't know really know her story. But she reminded me of mine.
As I drove into the parking garage this morning, I heard a teaser on WOSU radio that made me hurry into my office so I could hear the story streaming online before my meeting. It was about an OSU breast cancer researcher who has found that more women are choosing radical treatments for breast cancer than before. She went on to say that prophylactic (proactive) mastectomies are being chosen by breast cancer patients who are in Stage 1, younger, highly educated, and often have a history of breast cancer in the family. I'll bet my case was one of the numbers she included from her database research.
She is researching this phenomenon because she is concerned these cancer patients (we) might have mis-information from doctors informing our decisions. Since the survival rate is the same for those of us who have lumpectomies vs. mastectomies vs. prophylactic mastectomies, she wonders if too many of us are choosing the radical treatment. She did go on to recognize that we are making these choices because we have a lot of life ahead of us and don't want to deal with breast cancer again. However, she thinks the low instance of recurrence (she quoted 8 to 14% for people who do not have the family gene) does not warrant the high instances of prophylactic mastectomy treatment.
I chose to have a mastectomy on the breast with the cancer and a prophylactic mastectomy of the other breast. Since my surgery, I've read about other women with a similar diagnosis (stage 1 ILC and LCIS) who chose the other route that was an option for me, the lumpectomy. I've read about these women (who could be me) enduring chemo and radiation and getting all sorts of other terrible ailments from those treatments. They have longer recovery times and have much less energy for life for months and months. When they are pronounced cancer-free, they start the regimen of taking tamoxifin for 5 years and visit the mammography clinic every 6 months. I know I'm over-generalizing, and everyone has a different treatment plan, but it's not an unrealistic process I describe here. It is very real for many people who were diagnosed with stage 1 ILC and LCIS as I was. And I haven't even mentioned what it is like for the ~1 in 9 women who, despite what sounds like low odds, actually do have a recurrence and start the whole process over again.
I'm not saying that the decision I made was right for everyone. It was right for me, though. And I certainly don't want to discount the concerns of the researcher. I am grateful she is doing the work she is doing and thankful she makes a difference in the lives of women who are touched by this disease. However, in this case, I don't share her concerns. I'm not worried that I made the wrong decision with inaccurate data. I know I probably wouldn't have died from this disease within the next 20 years even if I had chosen the lumpectomy. However, what about the following 20 years? And the following 20 after that? I feel like I've been given a gift to have caught it so early and to not be worried about survival. Would I be so lucky the next time? Next time would it have been stage 2 or worse? Next time would it have gotten into my lymph nodes and required chemo? So I guess I said carpe diem. Besides, there are many more factors than survival at work here.
As tough as the process has been, I've been sidelined for a surprisingly small amount of time. Even in the middle of all this, as I am right now, I am doing pretty much everything I would have been doing if I had not been diagnosed. And I made a major impact on the likelihood that I will not have a recurrence. As the researcher said, I really don't want to go through this again. I no longer have 1 in 10 odds. For me, it's more like 1 in 100 that I'll be diagnosed with breast cancer again.
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