Great run and time to reflect

I had an incredible run on an incredibly beautiful day today.  I left work an hour later than I wanted to leave which left me no slack time for running but I HAD to run today because it was so great out and this was the only time I could squeeze it in.  So I ran and pushed myself.  I had about 33 minutes to run and I wanted to do a 5K distance.  I pushed myself the whole way.  The last mile was the toughest.  I did the 5K in 32:50.  If you've been looking at my most recent 5K times, you'll see that's pretty impressive for me these days.

My miles were 10:28, 10:44, and 10:47.  It's obvious I was pushing myself.  I usually get a little faster as my distance increases.  Not today.  I was maxed out and tiring out all the way.  But it felt good.  Really good.  Especially when I hit the 3.1 distance, started walking, and checked the time.  Wow, 32:50 was better than I thought possible with my current fitness. 

During the run, I purposely didn't watch my total distance or time and only glanced at my pace a few times.  At almost 2 miles, I checked the distance to see how far I still had to go, but I didn't look at elapsed time.  My back was acting up a little the last mile, but nothing terrible.

After I ran, I booked to my car and went to the cancer survivors yoga class (arriving exactly on time thanks to my speedy 5K). When I got there, though, I learned that it isn't really a yoga class.  It's a "mindfulness in motion" class that uses some yoga techniques.  Another class member was also mistaken about the nature of the class.  I know this because she also brought a yoga mat.  This class takes place predominately in chairs.

We are spending most of the time focusing on breathing and relaxing.  It's the "relax your toes, now your ankle, now your calves . . . " kind of thing I remember from college enrichment programs in the residence halls. I didn't like those then because I didn't have time to relax. I had things to get done. If I relaxed, I'd lose the edge and everything would come crashing down.  Now that you know this about me, I'm sure it explains much. Now that I'm a lot older and at least somewhat more self-aware, I told the class that it's probably serendipity that I was in this class.  It's the only class on the James class schedule that I could fit into my schedule and it's about how to relax.  I probably need this more than flexibility improvement.  I don't WANT it more than flexibility improvement, but I probably need it more.  We'll see if I stick with it for the 6 or 8 weeks or whatever this class runs. I might.  The class is also a study for a professor so we have to complete a packet over the 6 or 8 weeks and do daily mindfulness practice with a CD.

I'm really glad I didn't forego running today because I could get my exercise from the yoga class.  I would have been disappointed.  Since I already got the exercise in, I was able to avoid the disappointment and I tried to focus on relaxing and being in the moment (not easy for me).  I did just fine.  I know this because on the way home I listened to . . . I can't believe I'm admitting to this . . . Miley Cyrus' The Climb and sang along (yes, adding shame to shame, I know all the lyrics, too). 

Well, at least I tried to sing along.  I got choked up several times.  I'm a lyrics person and the lyrics of this song are about always striving for something difficult, not giving up, fighting uphill battles, etc.  Sound familiar from my description of the college me?  Can't relax or I'll lose the edge . . . always feeling like I'm rolling a huge ball uphill . . . .  And, as if the college reminder wasn't enough emotional fodder, today the words "sometimes I'm gonna have to lose" - reminded me of cancer.  Those lyrics never brought cancer to my mind before, but since I just spent an hour with cancer survivors . . . .

But wait . . . I didn't lose to cancer.  I won.  But someday I won't.  I have this feeling it will get me someday.  Not today.  Not for a long time.  But I've learned of my mortality.  And someday I'm gonna have to lose.  It's not fair.  I work hard.  I play fair.  I'm good to others.  People like that should win.  We all should.  Win-win.  That's my motto fueled by my overdeveloped belief in justice.  Okay, so I'm not 100% sure cancer will get me.  It could.  We all will go someday of some ailment.  I just hope I've held it off long enough to make a difference for my children, husband, parents, friends, colleagues . . . .

I have another confession to make.  That Disney star's pop song was actually on my MP3 player, not on the radio.  So I played it over and over again on the way home until I could sing it without choking up.  It took a few times, but I was able to do it. 

So, I guess the class put me in touch with my emotions and gave me some time to reflect.  I haven't really taken much time for reflection, I've just jumped back into the craziness that is my life and that keeps me moving foward, having accomplishments, and believing I'm happy.  It may be good for me to stop the world for awhile and reflect.  Not comfortable, mind you, but probably good. 

Okay, one last shocking revelation:  I actually like Miley.