News - both good and bad

What a difference a day makes.  This morning, I ran 2 miles - about 11:30 and 10:20.  Started out a bit stiff and sore but pushed myself the last mile.

So I had my surgical oncology appointment today.  I guess it’s not bad news, but certainly not good news either. I do have breast cancer. It is in a very tiny section (centimeter-ish) but it is the invasive kind and what’s even more troubling is where it is and the makeup of the surrounding tissues. We are fortunate to find it so early since this type of cancer lurks and hides from mammograms and self-exams. Typically, they don’t find this kind until it’s golf-ball size or larger. Also, it's good news that the prognosis is excellent. If treated aggressively, I will not die from breast cancer now or ever. 


The bad news is that if they go in and do a lumpectomy and get everything, I’m still highly likely to have recurrences given the type of breast cancer tissue I have. And right now it’s just the left side that we know of, but in the future (or even now) it could be in either breast and could lurk undetected until it is much more serious. We have basically three treatment options:

1. the lumpectomy which is least traumatic right now and would most likely solve the immediate presenting problem . . . . I’d then be getting mammograms every 3-6 months and hoping for no recurrence and hoping the mammogram will find it if indeed I have cancer cells that develop
2. total mastectomy of the left breast which will most likely solve the problem for now and the future on that side . . . however, I’d have to get mammograms every 3-6 months on the other side and hope the mammogram finds any cancer cells that develop in the right side (which is risky because it can lurk)
3. total mastectomy for both breasts – with or without reconstructive surgery. I’d lose both breasts and even if we do reconstruction, it will not bring back feeling so my breasts would be numb – like prosthetics.

I know I should be grateful – and I am – that the news wasn’t worse and is not really life-threatening (assuming it really is what the doctor believes it is and there are no surprises during surgery). I’m really in shock that in order to survive this, I’ll most likely have to lose both breasts. Seems so old-school and impossible. And although it’s just breast tissue, I’m having a tough time with it right now. I’m grieving the loss which seems imminent even though I have not made any decisions yet.

I've only been dealing with this for a few hours now.  I hope I get more grateful as time goes on.  I'm very happy that I'll be around for everything my kids have in store for the future.  And grandkids too.  But for now - for right now - I'm grieving.