Decisions

Lee Ann and Ken are asking me if I'm still up in the air about what to do. I was pretty sure I was opting for the mastectomies until the second opinion clinic created doubt for me again. That's why I went on a new research spree.

I think the second opinion clinic doctors were trying to tell me I still have a choice. They said since survival rates are the same with lumpectomy and mastectomy, it's just a matter of how much I would worry about getting cancer again and how I feel about losing my breasts.

If that's all I had to consider, it would be a no-brainer to keep my breasts. After a lumpectomy, I could go dive into my crazy schedule of work and home life and slip into denial quite easily.

Unfortunately, I don't think it's just about the worry. I think it's about being lucky to catch it this time and knowing that it's a strong possibility I won't be as lucky or have as many options next time.

The MRI is the best imaging device available and it can't find the cancer in me, though we know it's there. And we can't just do biopsies randomly every few months. Where would we look? Besides, biopsies are not as easy as you'd think, I am still a bit sore in that area when running and it's been a month since the biopsy.

So next time I get cancer, it's going to just hide in me and lurk and spread into the rest of my body because we don't know it's there. By the time it's caught, it's likely that I'll have symptoms and the cancer will have already spread to my lymph nodes and beyond. By then I will have no options. Mastectomies, chemo, and radition will all be required. Then I will truly be sick. My chances of surviving might still be over 50% but they won't be as close to 100% as they are now.

So I guess I am back to not having much of a choice. I guess I could get the lumpectomy now and wait to get the bilateral mastectomies later. That way, I'd have more time to prepare and make peace with it. But I really don't think that will ever come. I'll never be okay with giving up my breasts. So I'm not sure what I'd gain by deciding to do this in two different surgeries. I might be able to keep my breasts for a few more years, I guess. But it's a gamble to do so.

I know they are making advances in breast cancer treatment all the time, but I don't think I can wait for them to develop a better imaging tool or a thorough understanding of what makes LCIS turn into cancer (or even if it does). I have to make the decision with the information available now.

If anyone has any information available to help me, let me know. I guess the most important piece of information is how likely I would be to get breast cancer again if I get a lumpectomy now. The doctors can't answer that question. They just don't know. The best they can do is that I'll be 10x to 15x more likely to get breast cancer than someone who has not been diagnoised with LCIS.

I hope my daughter and her friends have better options available if they are ever in my shoes. To invest in their future, I'll continue to buy the products with the little pink ribbon, run the Race for the Cure, and try to raise money and awareness. If we all contribute to the cause, maybe their generation will have better options. I certainly hope so.