One year

It's been one year.  I found out that I had breast cancer on Wednesday, September 30, 2009.  I'm not sure whether it's time to celebrate, reflect, or lament.  Maybe a bit of all three.

Below are the top 10 things I've learned since then:

10.  Blogging can connect people who need each other.

Beth in Colorado found my blog. She was going through a bilateral mastectomy just a few weeks before me and was a great source for learning and encouragement. I also found great insight and knowledge in other blogs. Personal stories are much more meaningful than research statistics. So, here's a big thank you to the thought leaders at HR Technology Conference and Steverunner who inspired me to stop lurking in the new media world and start contributing.

9.  Just because they find cancer early does not mean it will be easy.  As a top 100 fundraiser for the Race for the Cure, I'd been to many events celebrating the advances in breast cancer research.  I thought I knew a lot about it.  I thought getting the cancer out was easy if it was caught early.  I had no idea I'd get a bilateral mastectomy with cancer that was barely stage 1 . . . and Beth was stage 0. 

8.  ILC is hard to find and often hides until it's big enough to spread.
Not all breast cancers are easy to detect.  Luckily, my digital mammogram showed grouped calcifications which warned my doctors to do a biopsy.  If I had chosen a lumpectomy, a recurrence of ILC could go undetected until it had spread beyond my breasts. 

7.  Healthy, active, young women can still get breast cancer.
This year, I've read about many healthy, active women in their 20's and 30's who had breast cancer.  I also have a friend whose wife was diagnosed in her 30's.  It's not as uncommon as you'd think.  I was 43 and a runner.

6.  There are different types of breast cancer and different risks for treatment options.
Breast cancer does not have one obvious treatment.  Statistics are all over the internet and different doctors present them differently too.  No one had a clear cut, obvious data set that I could use to make treatment decisions.  I did lots of research, got a second opinion, and even stepped out of the linear process the doctors wanted me to follow in my decision-making.  In the end, it came down to this:  I put myself in the place of a woman who had cancer spread throughout her body.  And I heard myself begging "Can't you just cut it off? Get it out of me, now!"  Well, that was the opportunity I had.  And I took it.

5.  Deciding to lose both breasts is a tough, emotional decision.
Many said it would be a no-brainer for them.  If they got breast cancer, they would cut them off.  I'm a poster-child for that concept.  I don't wear makeup.  I'm a feminist.  I spend 20 minutes getting ready in the morning and 15 of that is in the shower.  So, I was unprepared for the emotion involved in this decision. Even now it brings me to tears to realize that a year ago, I still had my real breasts, with working nipples and everything.  I still look very similar in clothes, but very different getting out of the shower.  I wonder when my reflection in a foggy mirror will not cause me to wince.
 
4. We all react differently.
In my mind, surgery was by far the best treatment option, especially if I could avoid chemo, radiation, and 5 years of Tamoxifen.  A friend who has cancer was fine with chemo and radiation treatments but terrified of surgery.  Physically, we react differently, too.  Although I was not a high risk for lymphedema and just 6 lymph nodes were removed, I developed lymphedema in my left hand about 5 months after the mastectomy.  I have no idea how or why this happened.

3.  I am strong and resilient.
As a comment to my first blog post, my parents wrote that they had all the confidence in the world that I have the tools needed to get though this myself -- "strength, wisdom, determination, and goodness."  My brother also told me that he thinks of me as an incredibly strong woman.  I was able to reach deep inside and find the strength my family knew was there.  Now I know it is there, too. 
 
2.  I am blessed with incredible family, friends, and colleagues.
Thank you to all who have helped me get through these challenges.  I had advisors, listeners, food preparers, care givers, pray-ers, and many people who just helped me get on with life.  My boss was incredibly supportive, as were my staff and colleagues.  Friends (including Lee Ann, Michelle, Jim, Eunice, Bethany, Becky, David, and many others) were instrumental in getting me though this.  Family sent cards and called.  Michelle, Jan, Jim, and my parents, Don and Rosemary helped care for me and my family when I most needed them.  Thank you all!!!
 
1.  I have the best husband and children in the world.
Yes, I know I'm biased.  But I also know I'm right.  My children are wonderful - caring, loving, supporting, strong, and helpful.  My husband is beyond amazing and he loves me for who I am and finds me sexy and beautiful with each set of breasts I've had this year (real, expanders, and now implants).  I thank God for my family each and every day. And, through this ordeal, I have learned that I should never wait until tomorrow to show them I care and I will never take them for granted.  I love you, Val, Jason, and Ken!