Ouch

I must have forgotten how much it hurt. I've been operating in rehab mode and making great progress with reaching, stretching, and running. And the pain was gone. My last fill was before Christmas and my skin had stretched to accommodate the expander.  My breasts were more like the perfectly inflated volleyball with some "play" in the skin . . . . I love those volleyballs, they always allowed my serves to float and become harder to return. Now I'm overfilled and stretched tight again. Over-inflated volleyballs sting when you bump them.

Anyway, now I hurt again. And I'm back on muscle relaxants and vicodin. It seems so long since I've needed meds.

I saw my plastic surgeon today. The nurses actually do the filling process so I haven't seen him since before my first fill.  I knew I was getting close to full and I wanted his consultation on how much I needed to add. He liked the way things were looking but wanted to overfill me to make more skin for the implant surgery. So I got another 80cc added to each. I was surprised he wanted that much, I was expecting 40 or 60.  I'm at 490 now.  Soon I'll be rivaling Pamela Anderson.  Ok, not really. But I do feel quite round and out there.

I was relived when the doc confirmed that a stitch holding in the expander was causing the pain I had for several weeks on my left side .  It's common for stitches to get tugged on and cause pain during some phases of the filling process.  I also got a referral for physical therapy to get rid of this cord-like thing that is in my left underarm and annoying me by sticking out, being sore, and restricting my arm reach.  Ann, thanks for warning me to watch for that and to ask for physical therapy.

And last, but certainly not least, we discussed possible dates for my implant surgery.  He wants it no less than 8 weeks after the last fill, which puts me close to spring break when we are going on vacation.  We briefly considered speeding it up and scheduling surgery in mid-March instead of April, but decided against it. Now I need to decide whether to have the implant surgery after we get back from vacation in mid-April or wait yet another month and have the surgery after the Race for the Cure. 

So here's the crux of it:  If I schedule surgery after the race, I can continue to train and will be ready to run the 5K race. If I have the surgery between vacation and the race, I'll have to walk the race this year because I will not be allowed to run for 6 to 8 weeks post-op.

Answer my poll in the right column on the front page of my blog.  Let me know what you think.  I'll do whatever I want anyway, but I think it would be fun to find out what you all think.  It expires on Jan 28 when I need to tell the doc my decision. Vote now. Vote often. 

I've run the Race for the Cure for the past 5 years in memory of Cathy, my friend and mentor who passed away from breast cancer.  So when I was diagnoised, Ken and Valerie were psyched to do the race with me this year. Jason was waffling on it because it's so far (5K which is 3.1 miles), but I'm sure he'd be able walk and run it. Other friends talked about doing the race as a group and then coming back to our house for a celebration. I know we could still do all that if I walk the race instead of run it, but it just wouldn't be as dramatic, you know.  Not that I'm a drama queen (anymore), but I can imagine it being very empowering to run the race as I have in the past.  It certainly would be a challenge and I would need to train hard to get back into shape enough to run a full three miles without walking. I can't run that distance now.

Today after work, I went to RPAC and spent 47 minutes on the track.  I didn't check the splits, but I know I didn't run more than a half mile at a time, usually a quarter mile and then I walked a lap.  In the end, I think I did 3.5 miles. My new tight chest makes it tough to take in a full breath again. I was also just coming off of pain meds and muscle relaxants from the fill (which make me VERY thirsty all the time).  I forgot how truly brick-like these expanders can be when they are doing their job of stretching instead of just maintaining. 

I'll see the doc again in two weeks to determine both the size of the implant and the date of the surgery.  I hope I won't need another fill, but he said it's possible depending on how things look then.  He wants to be sure to have enough skin to make a "desirable" scar.  Also, if the skin is too tight, it will stay that way with the new implant and won't be as comfortable and realistic long-term.  I must be patient.  A patient patient.  I am not good at being either one.  However, I will do as instructed.  I like the doc and nurses and trust them very much.

Speaking of the nurse, Krissy is really great. She does the areola tatoos so we talked nipples before the doc came in. I'm pretty sure I am not going to get nipple construction surgery. The result of that surgery is a huge nipple that decreases in size over time but is always erect even after it shrinks.  If I had chronically erect nipples, I would be much too self-conscious in a swim suit and would need to wear a bra all the time too. I think I'll do the tatoo only and Krissy will do her magic to make a 3D-looking nipple in the middle. It won't look real under scrutany, but at a glance, it will look like I have nipples, even though it will all be an illusion.

Today I took my bra off in the locker room at RPAC.  I hadn't done that yet and instead usually hide in the shower stall to do that.  This time I just turned toward the corner and changed.  No one screamed and ran away, so I'm pretty sure no one noticed.