Decision evening

I walked with Eunice today at lunch. I think we walked about 2 miles in about 30 minutes. A group of people meet at 11:30 to walk and I added the recurring event to my calendar. I usually bring my lunch and eat it at my desk while preparing for upcoming meetings, however, maybe I'll join this group sometimes. It's a very quick paced walk and seemed like a good workout. And it was nice because I can't carry on a conversation while running, but I could do so today at the quick walking clip. I love talking with Eunice, too. She's a really great person who I've known a long time. I was surprised my knee was sore after the walk today - just as if I had run. It didn't hurt while I was walking.

So tonight's the night. I need to decide when to have the implant surgery: ~the week of April 12 or after the Race for the Cure ~the week of May 16. There is no difference medically, it makes no difference to my doctor. 

Why to postpone surgery until May:

• I will be able to RUN the Race for the Cure instead of walk it.  I'll have greater satisfaction that I wasn't "sidelined" by cancer and was able to run the race as I have the past 5 years. 
• Ability to share the race with other runners - and encourage them to run it too - such as Ken's sister, a colleague at work, a friend in Dublin, some runners at work, - and of course, Valerie, Jason, and Ken. I explained the decision I need to make to the kids and both said they will be by my side for the Race for the Cure whether I run or walk it. If the kids are running, we'd better begin training soon!
• Assuming I participate in the race as a self-identified survivor, I will join the survivor corral  at the finish line. That's where you line up as you finish and the volunteers take part of your race slip or chip. I read it can get pretty emotional in the survivor corral, especially as the time ticks on. Those who have an easier time finishing the race (aka run it) are not that many and are currently generally healthy. Those who finish later are often quite inspirational because it wasn't as "easy" for them. I know it's selfish, but guess who I want to be in the corral.
• The race will serve as motivation for the next 3.5 months to continue to run. It's tough to be motivated to exercise when I know I'll lose ALL progress after surgery. Post-surgery, I'll be banned from running for 8 weeks. After that much time off, I won't be able to run 1 mile, let alone a 5K.
• The race gives me a reason (read: excuse) to put off an experience I am not looking forward to having. I hate hospitals and surgery and pain. It is a much less severe surgery than I had in November, but still. Ouch.
• Theoretically, a project I'm working on at work is supposed to end in April. However, I can't really count on that - it's too early in the project to know if it will be at a critical time in mid-April or mid-May. My boss was supportive as usual and told me not to base these decisions around work.
• I'll be off work for only one week if I have the surgery in May. I'll be off work for 2 weeks out of the month if I have the surgery in April because we will be on vacation for a week in early April.

Why to have the surgery in April:

• A month less time with expanders annoying me at night. I don't really notice them much during the day when I'm active.
• A month less time wondering and fretting over what my new shape will be.
• I have a tough time finding clothes to fit because I refuse to buy anything new until I really know what will look good on me when I have the final product. I'll have less time to deal with this clothes situation if I have surgery in April.
• I'll be "done" with this process a month earlier and can put it behind me.
• I'll have more time for recovery before summer (when clothes are less forgiving of expander issues).

I guess I'll let you know tomorrow what I decide. I know it's not really an important decision. It's not a decision that will be with me forever. It's not like the decision to have the bilateral mastectomy or the decision about what size of implants to use. It's just another milestone. I know that. I'm not over-stressing about it. Whatever I do will be fine. It's just great to have the ability to make the decision. I have a choice.