Chasing youth

We watched a movie (DVD) last night and it was pretty good. It was one of the better ones Jennifer Aniston has done since friends, I think. Shirley MacLaine and Kevin Costner were in it too.  I really enjoyed some down time and the process of watching the moving and drinking my new favorite wine (Menage a Trois, red). 

Then later, as I was getting ready for bed and replaying the story in my mind, I realized that I was identifying much more with Shirley MacLaine than Jennifer Aniston. Shirley is a great actress and very impressive, but shouldn't I be identifying with the woman who is 3 years younger than me instead of the woman who is 33 years older than me? Prior to the surgery I was walking around being a good 5 years younger than I really am. I was healthy and vibrant and young and desirable and living in the present and future, rarely dwelling on the past.  I wasn't worried much about my youth slipping away.  I felt young despite evidence to the contrary.  And now . . . well now . . . I feel like I've aged decades since the surgery. 

In trying to explain why I was sad to Ken, he was very wonderful and supportive as always. And he was adamant that he and everyone else still sees me as that young, vibrant, desirable, healthy woman.  When talking with acquaintances about my surgery and recovery, he says others are surprised to find that I'm not in my mid-30s (I'm 43). He is confident I should be able to get back there, but it will take time since I've had such a life-changing, traumatic experience.

I feel old now and like my youth has just been snapped away forever.  But you are as old as you feel, as they say.  I now have a whole new appreciation for that old cliche.  Maybe it's not so cliche after all - and it goes both directions - I'm only as young as I feel.  I guess this is yet another rehab issue I'll be adding to the long list of things I need to deal with to "get back." 

My knee has been a problem since I last ran, which was . . . yep, 4 days ago. I'm getting into a "4 days ago" pattern that isn't good. Three days would be more acceptable for the fitness world. After 3 days, endurance starts to slip. So to build on previous exercise each time and to make the most of my toils, I should really try to not let 3 days go by without running. The weather is supposed to be good today. I may try to run and hope the knee can handle it. Before I can do that, Jason has a basketball game and then Val and I have hair cut appointments. We probably won't be home until 4:30pm. When does it get dark now? Darn. I guess I should have gotten a jump this morning on that process of chasing my youth.