Pre-Op appt and a Pick-me-up

I had my pre-op appointment today.  My second surgery is scheduled for May 25, 2010 and it will be an outpatient surgery during which my expanders get removed (yea) and the actual implants are put in place. 

The appointment was challenging on many levels.  First, I've been able to ignore the whole "I had breast cancer" thing for the past several months.  Now I'm back in it.  Then, we had to deal with the whole size thing again and I made a decision, against the advice of the doc, to go smaller than he suggested.  He said he wouldn't even order the size he wanted to order because he knows he'd put it in.  People never get mad at him for going too large, just too small.  Oh well.  I won't be mad at him.  I'm the decision-maker here.  I probably just blew it, but hey, I only have what information I have.  And I have no idea what these new ones will be like.  It's so hard to compare.

Then I learned that I'm a hard "stick" now.  My left arm is no longer an option for things like taking blood pressure or blood samples because of the lymph node extraction on that side.  I guess doing so makes me more apt to get lymphedema.  Three different nurses tried to get blood from my right arm.  The last guy even checked my foot.  In the end, he had to use my wrist and he hopes they got enough.

And speaking of lymphedema, I told the nurses that my left hand is swelling during/after running.  And that my left index finger didn't completely return to normal after my last run (it is still swollen slightly).  They were concerned and said I need to get back with my surgical oncologist about that.  I may have to wear a compression glove when I run . . . and maybe a sleeve too.

I took all of this well in the office, but not so well when I left the office. Throughout all of this I've felt my "hotness" quotient plummet.  I know.  I'm a 43 year old woman and we don't really have a hotness quotient.  Our husbands just get more hot while we women slide into invisibility.  I guess I wasn't quite ready for that.  Now with no breasts and the threat of a huge arm, I'm realizing what a major change I've had over the past 6 months.  And on top of that I look HUGE in the Mother's Day pics.  Who invented cameras?

So I could have written this off as a terrible day.  Actually, I had.  Then I got an email from one of my colleagues.  He also commented on an older blog post.  In his email, he told me that he's glad I'm "here" at work and why.  He also told me how great I was doing with the cancer fight as well as with life choices related to family and such.  I can't do his note justice here, but suffice it to say that he touched me deeply and a not-so-great day turned into a pretty darn great day.  To top it off, Dan sent me the link to a teaching his church had recently that related to one of my blog posts.  I will download it and learn and reflect.  Thank you, Dan!