I forgot to mention the most important news of yesterday. In addition to the A honor roll, Val got one of 5 awards for Character in her class. She was more proud of that award than her straight A's and I was also impressed to learn that 3 of her good friends were also recipients of this award. It's good that she's keeping good company.
Today I ran outside, but it was tough. Didn't do that great. It was challenging to keep moving and I wanted to stop several times, but didn't. It was tough to get out there too. Cold (low 20's), but sunny. The wind was a factor I didn't count on and I felt like I'd fly away a couple of times when the hood of my wind jacket filled up with air. My miles were pretty slow at 12:22, 11:59, and 11:38. The 5K was 36:58. Then I walked a half a mile. I'm a little peeved that I'm not speeding up at all. Actually I'm slowing down. I was doing 10:40 and 10:50 miles on the track just a few weeks ago. Of course, I couldn't run 3 miles without stopping then. I guess it's a tradeoff.
I'm back to listening to steverunner while running since the music was getting old again and I was getting behind on my episodes. I run a little slower when I listen to podcasts instead of music, but that is the point when trying to run further, isn't it? To build endurance, run slower and longer? I think so. It's depressing at first - and I've read that leaving the watch at home is a good strategy when running slow for distance. Of course, most published advice is aimed at people who are running 20 miles, not 3, but hey, it's just as hard for me to run 3 right now. I was really pushing to hang on. It's good that my miles sped up as I went along, though. I've been doing the opposite on the track lately.
Tonight is Harry Potter night. Jason is at a sleepover so Val had the great idea to do a Harry Potter marathon. Jason can't watch those movies yet because he doesn't like scary scenes. We tried to watch the first one and he really freaked out about the troll. So we decided to wait on those movies for awhile. However, Val has read the book series and really wants to see the movies, so tonight's the night.
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
~Steven Kloves (screenplay), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, spoken by Albus Dumbledore
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
All A's!
The kids both got all As on their report cards today, so we went out to celebrate. Dinner at Grinders and dessert next door at Graeters. Graeters is the best ice cream in the world, I kid you not. You can even order it online if you're dying to try it (they ship it in dry ice). Or you can come to Ohio and give it a try.
I had Black Raspberry Chip on a sugar cone. It should be called Black Raspberry Chunk, though. The chunks of dark chocolate in each scoop are not like little chips. They are big, honkin chunks of goodness. If I don't get Black Raspberry, I often get Coconut Chocolate Chip/Chunk in a cup with hot fudge. It's a Mounds bar on steroids. Mmmmmmmm.
I know, it's very bad for someone trying to lose weight to be writing about the best ice cream in the world, but it was a celebration today, after all. And I just had the one scoop. Everyone else had some crazy concoction of ice cream and waffle bowls and hot fudge and whipped cream . . . . We told the kids they could have whatever they wanted as a celebration of hard work and good grades. And Ken gets to celebrate being the best Dad and husband in the world. I get to celebrate forcing myself to walk outside today.
Today was a very unusual day at work. I. Had. No. Meetings. None. Crazy. So I buckled down and got some things done, cleared out my electronic, voice, and paper IN boxes, and proposed some changes related to the new role I've been given. The feedback I've gotten thus far has been very good. We'll see how it goes on Monday.
I also took the time to walk about 35 minutes outside today. Since I had no meetings, I took advantage of the casual Friday dress code and wore jeans, trail hiking shoes, and a t-shirt under a sweater. I also brought gloves and ear protection. I went out in the very cold weather (12 degrees, but felt like 5) and walked pretty fast to keep from being cold. I had more fun walking with Eunice, but it still felt good to get out even if alone. Truth be told, I HAD to get out of the office because I didn't sleep well last night and I was getting very sleepy trying to go through emails. If you got an email from me today that seemed to go to the wrong person or was totally off the wall, now you know why. At 2pm, I threw in the towel and decided I'd either have to go home and take a nap or take a walk.
I'm now "inflated" to 100cc's bigger than I want. I think that's about 20% larger than I will be with implants. I don't know if the size is what is annoying me or if it's just that it's all tight and stretching again. I'll know soon. It seems to take 10-12 days to stop the muscle spasms after a fill, I've found. But it's my last one, thank goodness, so I won't have to deal with that anymore. I hope sleeping becomes just uncomfortable again. It's way beyond uncomfortable now and I can't seem to get a comfortable position on either side. I really can't sleep well on my back, either.
All this talk about sleep and I'm more than ready for bed. The brisk walk helped in the afternoon, but now I'm giving up the sleepy fight. I guess I'll forgo the wine paired with a good book or a movie. I'm just too tired for that. Good night. Sweet dreams.
I had Black Raspberry Chip on a sugar cone. It should be called Black Raspberry Chunk, though. The chunks of dark chocolate in each scoop are not like little chips. They are big, honkin chunks of goodness. If I don't get Black Raspberry, I often get Coconut Chocolate Chip/Chunk in a cup with hot fudge. It's a Mounds bar on steroids. Mmmmmmmm.
I know, it's very bad for someone trying to lose weight to be writing about the best ice cream in the world, but it was a celebration today, after all. And I just had the one scoop. Everyone else had some crazy concoction of ice cream and waffle bowls and hot fudge and whipped cream . . . . We told the kids they could have whatever they wanted as a celebration of hard work and good grades. And Ken gets to celebrate being the best Dad and husband in the world. I get to celebrate forcing myself to walk outside today.
Today was a very unusual day at work. I. Had. No. Meetings. None. Crazy. So I buckled down and got some things done, cleared out my electronic, voice, and paper IN boxes, and proposed some changes related to the new role I've been given. The feedback I've gotten thus far has been very good. We'll see how it goes on Monday.
I also took the time to walk about 35 minutes outside today. Since I had no meetings, I took advantage of the casual Friday dress code and wore jeans, trail hiking shoes, and a t-shirt under a sweater. I also brought gloves and ear protection. I went out in the very cold weather (12 degrees, but felt like 5) and walked pretty fast to keep from being cold. I had more fun walking with Eunice, but it still felt good to get out even if alone. Truth be told, I HAD to get out of the office because I didn't sleep well last night and I was getting very sleepy trying to go through emails. If you got an email from me today that seemed to go to the wrong person or was totally off the wall, now you know why. At 2pm, I threw in the towel and decided I'd either have to go home and take a nap or take a walk.
I'm now "inflated" to 100cc's bigger than I want. I think that's about 20% larger than I will be with implants. I don't know if the size is what is annoying me or if it's just that it's all tight and stretching again. I'll know soon. It seems to take 10-12 days to stop the muscle spasms after a fill, I've found. But it's my last one, thank goodness, so I won't have to deal with that anymore. I hope sleeping becomes just uncomfortable again. It's way beyond uncomfortable now and I can't seem to get a comfortable position on either side. I really can't sleep well on my back, either.
All this talk about sleep and I'm more than ready for bed. The brisk walk helped in the afternoon, but now I'm giving up the sleepy fight. I guess I'll forgo the wine paired with a good book or a movie. I'm just too tired for that. Good night. Sweet dreams.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
May wins
Another milestone. Decisions made. The doctor, Ken, and I agreed to a May surgery date and they will order 2 or 3 different sizes of implants. The size they use in surgery is dependent on what works best/looks best in the operating room. I don't have the surgery date scheduled yet (that happens behind the scenes), but someone will be calling me soon with a date that is close to, but not before May 15.
I still hadn't decided on the date during the drive to the appointment, and even while waiting for it. When the doctor asked when, I said mid-April or mid-May. He was happy to hear about May and said the extra time would give the pocket more time to stabilize. So we went with May.
Although he had a crazy busy day, the surgeon took the time to tell me he is very pleased with where we are in the process and then he was almost giddy at the lower placement and evenness of what I have going on with the expanders. His reaction was very comforting. Maybe I'll be that 1 in 50 before/after pics that is not too bad.
So, assuming I don't have any other health issues or injuries, I'll be running the Race for the Cure on May 15, 2010. In talking with Ken about it, he says he and the kids will try to run it too and that it would be good for all of us to try. We'll start training soon. Want to join us?
I ran at RPAC again tonight but wasn't really up for it. Ran 3 miles a little slower than I did the 5K distance on Tuesday. I had lots of excuses to put off the running tonight (a small fill - last one!, medication, time available tomorrow), but I ran anyway. Making progress on consistency. The knee was whining but not affecting gait much, if any.
I still hadn't decided on the date during the drive to the appointment, and even while waiting for it. When the doctor asked when, I said mid-April or mid-May. He was happy to hear about May and said the extra time would give the pocket more time to stabilize. So we went with May.
Although he had a crazy busy day, the surgeon took the time to tell me he is very pleased with where we are in the process and then he was almost giddy at the lower placement and evenness of what I have going on with the expanders. His reaction was very comforting. Maybe I'll be that 1 in 50 before/after pics that is not too bad.
So, assuming I don't have any other health issues or injuries, I'll be running the Race for the Cure on May 15, 2010. In talking with Ken about it, he says he and the kids will try to run it too and that it would be good for all of us to try. We'll start training soon. Want to join us?
I ran at RPAC again tonight but wasn't really up for it. Ran 3 miles a little slower than I did the 5K distance on Tuesday. I had lots of excuses to put off the running tonight (a small fill - last one!, medication, time available tomorrow), but I ran anyway. Making progress on consistency. The knee was whining but not affecting gait much, if any.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Decision evening
I walked with Eunice today at lunch. I think we walked about 2 miles in about 30 minutes. A group of people meet at 11:30 to walk and I added the recurring event to my calendar. I usually bring my lunch and eat it at my desk while preparing for upcoming meetings, however, maybe I'll join this group sometimes. It's a very quick paced walk and seemed like a good workout. And it was nice because I can't carry on a conversation while running, but I could do so today at the quick walking clip. I love talking with Eunice, too. She's a really great person who I've known a long time. I was surprised my knee was sore after the walk today - just as if I had run. It didn't hurt while I was walking.
So tonight's the night. I need to decide when to have the implant surgery: ~the week of April 12 or after the Race for the Cure ~the week of May 16. There is no difference medically, it makes no difference to my doctor.
Why to postpone surgery until May:
So tonight's the night. I need to decide when to have the implant surgery: ~the week of April 12 or after the Race for the Cure ~the week of May 16. There is no difference medically, it makes no difference to my doctor.
Why to postpone surgery until May:
- I will be able to RUN the Race for the Cure instead of walk it. I'll have greater satisfaction that I wasn't "sidelined" by cancer and was able to run the race as I have the past 5 years.
- Ability to share the race with other runners - and encourage them to run it too - such as Ken's sister, a colleague at work, a friend in Dublin, some runners at work, - and of course, Valerie, Jason, and Ken. I explained the decision I need to make to the kids and both said they will be by my side for the Race for the Cure whether I run or walk it. If the kids are running, we'd better begin training soon!
- Assuming I participate in the race as a self-identified survivor, I will join the survivor corral at the finish line. That's where you line up as you finish and the volunteers take part of your race slip or chip. I read it can get pretty emotional in the survivor corral, especially as the time ticks on. Those who have an easier time finishing the race (aka run it) are not that many and are currently generally healthy. Those who finish later are often quite inspirational because it wasn't as "easy" for them. I know it's selfish, but guess who I want to be in the corral.
- The race will serve as motivation for the next 3.5 months to continue to run. It's tough to be motivated to exercise when I know I'll lose ALL progress after surgery. Post-surgery, I'll be banned from running for 8 weeks. After that much time off, I won't be able to run 1 mile, let alone a 5K.
- The race gives me a reason (read: excuse) to put off an experience I am not looking forward to having. I hate hospitals and surgery and pain. It is a much less severe surgery than I had in November, but still. Ouch.
- Theoretically, a project I'm working on at work is supposed to end in April. However, I can't really count on that - it's too early in the project to know if it will be at a critical time in mid-April or mid-May. My boss was supportive as usual and told me not to base these decisions around work.
- I'll be off work for only one week if I have the surgery in May. I'll be off work for 2 weeks out of the month if I have the surgery in April because we will be on vacation for a week in early April.
- A month less time with expanders annoying me at night. I don't really notice them much during the day when I'm active.
- A month less time wondering and fretting over what my new shape will be.
- I have a tough time finding clothes to fit because I refuse to buy anything new until I really know what will look good on me when I have the final product. I'll have less time to deal with this clothes situation if I have surgery in April.
- I'll be "done" with this process a month earlier and can put it behind me.
- I'll have more time for recovery before summer (when clothes are less forgiving of expander issues).
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ran 5K today - RAN
Only two days left on the poll. And it's a dead heat. And honestly, I still haven't decided what to do, as crazy as that sounds. Running the Race for the Cure will be medicinal in it's own way, but I'm so sick of these expanders. They aren't bad in the daytime, but at night . . . well, I'll just say they are beyond uncomfortable. A friend/colleague recently picked up running/walking again and was thinking about running the race with me. That's inspiration, certainly. Maybe we can motivate each other to keep training for the run. I'd like that.
I'm not sure my daughter (age 12 by race day) will be trained enough to run with me in May. I tried to get her out with me on Saturday, but she wasn't interested. She said she was in good enough shape to run it already because she runs in gym and at swim practice all the time. True. And I know she's MUCH faster than me. And stronger. And in better shape. She could easily swim for 30 or 40 minutes without stopping. But I don't think she could just go out and run 3 miles cold. It's tougher than that, isn't it? She'd need a month to train, wouldn't she? She may walk it or walk/run it with Jason and Ken.
This morning I was talking with another colleague, Mona, who has been running and walking long distances much more regularly than yours truly. She's a really neat person, full of energy, and very inspirational. She and four other colleagues are planning to walk 60 miles in 3 days for breast cancer research. They are training at a pace of 15 minute miles - walking. Whoa. That's fast. I'm walking a 17 to 23 mile pace when I walk. They invited me to go with them, and even offered to select the date/location based on when I could go. But with the second surgery derailing me for 8 weeks, I won't have the training time needed. Besides - 60 miles! That's far! I'm struggling for 3 right now.
While talking with Mona, I was giving all my excuses for not being able to do the walk with them. I said I was finding it difficult to train even for the measly 5K in May. I told her I couldn't even run the 3 miles yet. She said that if I can run 2, I can run 3. She was right.
This evening, I ran a 5K. I ran the whole thing. No walking. No stopping for water (though I did pick up my water bottle on the run after mile 2 and carried it with me for a few laps). I ran on the RPAC 1/8 mile track again. It was slower than I've been running in that venue, but I had no recovery time during the distance. The miles were 11:06, 11:14, 11:20 and the 5K was 35:07. Then I walked the remaining laps to put in 4 miles total. My knee held out okay, but was sore afterward. It seems to be getting better slowly.
I'm not sure my daughter (age 12 by race day) will be trained enough to run with me in May. I tried to get her out with me on Saturday, but she wasn't interested. She said she was in good enough shape to run it already because she runs in gym and at swim practice all the time. True. And I know she's MUCH faster than me. And stronger. And in better shape. She could easily swim for 30 or 40 minutes without stopping. But I don't think she could just go out and run 3 miles cold. It's tougher than that, isn't it? She'd need a month to train, wouldn't she? She may walk it or walk/run it with Jason and Ken.
This morning I was talking with another colleague, Mona, who has been running and walking long distances much more regularly than yours truly. She's a really neat person, full of energy, and very inspirational. She and four other colleagues are planning to walk 60 miles in 3 days for breast cancer research. They are training at a pace of 15 minute miles - walking. Whoa. That's fast. I'm walking a 17 to 23 mile pace when I walk. They invited me to go with them, and even offered to select the date/location based on when I could go. But with the second surgery derailing me for 8 weeks, I won't have the training time needed. Besides - 60 miles! That's far! I'm struggling for 3 right now.
While talking with Mona, I was giving all my excuses for not being able to do the walk with them. I said I was finding it difficult to train even for the measly 5K in May. I told her I couldn't even run the 3 miles yet. She said that if I can run 2, I can run 3. She was right.
This evening, I ran a 5K. I ran the whole thing. No walking. No stopping for water (though I did pick up my water bottle on the run after mile 2 and carried it with me for a few laps). I ran on the RPAC 1/8 mile track again. It was slower than I've been running in that venue, but I had no recovery time during the distance. The miles were 11:06, 11:14, 11:20 and the 5K was 35:07. Then I walked the remaining laps to put in 4 miles total. My knee held out okay, but was sore afterward. It seems to be getting better slowly.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Caught up - and does size matter?
I'm caught up. Really. It's amazing. I've been behind the 8 ball for so long now that I'm sure I've missed something major. It's just such a miracle that I actually got everything done I intended to do today. And I finally got everything done that I've been needing to get done at work since late November. I know, it seems impossible. And yet . . . well it seems to be true. I may have passed a milestone today. Just 16 days back at work and I'm up and running again.
OK, now for the disclaimer you had to know was coming. Of course, to get caught up, I've been doing almost exclusively task work - operational things that were obviously not done and now are done. In doing so, I've been skipping out on more important things like checking in with staff, colleagues, and friends and reading about all the "opportunities" HR tech analysts, consultants, and vendors send my way each day.
Now that I can breathe, I need to take stock and decide how I want to do this new role I have at work. I need to consider how I want to do it long-term, not in this quick "do all the tasks" way, but in the "how can I make a difference" way and "what are the opportunities we shouldn't miss" way.
Despite the caveat about being a task master, it was a great day. And to top it all off, as I was traveling to a meeting across campus, for some reason the morning of my one-and-only half marathon came flooding back at me. I'm sure it was the weather. It was just like that October day in 2008. How glorious that morning was. I could run 13.1 miles. I was prepared and excited. Just remembering that day gave me energy and hope that I didn't know I was lacking.
Val had a great day, too. She got back all her tests from last week and really well. As a result, we are pretty sure we'll see another A report card on Friday. And today at school, Jason was in the group of about 5 kids who were told to quit answering questions because they were hogging the class participation. He was very proud to be in that group and to relay that incident. He's studying multiplication now and very excited about it, too. Ken was the "odd man out" today though: he was sick. Just a sinus headache thing, but bad enough to have him sleeping through half of the day, which is really unusual for him regardless of how crappy he feels. He's making it up tonight though by playing xbox.
Last night I was up pretty late trying to research implant sizes. It's crazy, I know. I just can't figure this out. How am I supposed to know what size will be best? The shape will be different than these expanders and that makes all the difference. Having 410cc or 490cc in a hot water bottle is different than the same amount in a balloon. Grrrrrr. So I've been trying on clothes all the time trying to figure out what is impossible to figure out. I'll never be like I was before. I have to let that go. Things will never fit like they used to. So how will I be in the future? That's what is eluding me. However, I did find a web site last night that offered some pics along with critical information like age, weight, height, and implant size for reconstruction (not augmentation, which is totally different for implant decisions). Anyway, that site helped a bit. When I meet with my plastic surgeon on Thursday, I'm going to ask him what he thinks of 450cc (part way between where I was at xmas and where I am now). I guess splitting the difference is the safest thing I can do in this guessing game.
Another breast cancer survivor who is about 3 or 4 months ahead of me (Emily) wrote about an imaginary fight with an unknown, judgmental, clueless person at a yoga class. She relayed this daydream about some stranger seeing her in her yoga top and talking about how shallow Emily must be to have such obvious breast surgery. I would have laughed, but it was much too real for me to do more than crack a smile. I totally get that fear. And right now, in the next 2 days, I have to make the critical decision that will seal my fate. If I go too small, my breasts won't reach past my stomach and I'll always feel fat and undesirable. If I go too big, I'll be the one ridiculed by those-who-know (but aren't really my friends) for "taking advantage of the situation" and by those-who-don't-know for "striving to be Barbie."
In Emily's imaginary fight, she strikes back by letting the clueless person know she had cancer. In my imaginary situations, I fear the passive aggressive route. No one will actually say anything within ear shot. It will all happen without me knowing. But I'll know. Or suspect. Or perhaps I'll just always be paranoid and no one will ever have a thought or care about it in any way.
Regardless, we all know it's not about them. It's about me. All I'm trying to do is get back physically - and with self-confidence, too. The motto at my plastic surgeon's office really sums it up for me - "To restore and make whole..."
OK, now for the disclaimer you had to know was coming. Of course, to get caught up, I've been doing almost exclusively task work - operational things that were obviously not done and now are done. In doing so, I've been skipping out on more important things like checking in with staff, colleagues, and friends and reading about all the "opportunities" HR tech analysts, consultants, and vendors send my way each day.
Now that I can breathe, I need to take stock and decide how I want to do this new role I have at work. I need to consider how I want to do it long-term, not in this quick "do all the tasks" way, but in the "how can I make a difference" way and "what are the opportunities we shouldn't miss" way.
Despite the caveat about being a task master, it was a great day. And to top it all off, as I was traveling to a meeting across campus, for some reason the morning of my one-and-only half marathon came flooding back at me. I'm sure it was the weather. It was just like that October day in 2008. How glorious that morning was. I could run 13.1 miles. I was prepared and excited. Just remembering that day gave me energy and hope that I didn't know I was lacking.
Val had a great day, too. She got back all her tests from last week and really well. As a result, we are pretty sure we'll see another A report card on Friday. And today at school, Jason was in the group of about 5 kids who were told to quit answering questions because they were hogging the class participation. He was very proud to be in that group and to relay that incident. He's studying multiplication now and very excited about it, too. Ken was the "odd man out" today though: he was sick. Just a sinus headache thing, but bad enough to have him sleeping through half of the day, which is really unusual for him regardless of how crappy he feels. He's making it up tonight though by playing xbox.
Last night I was up pretty late trying to research implant sizes. It's crazy, I know. I just can't figure this out. How am I supposed to know what size will be best? The shape will be different than these expanders and that makes all the difference. Having 410cc or 490cc in a hot water bottle is different than the same amount in a balloon. Grrrrrr. So I've been trying on clothes all the time trying to figure out what is impossible to figure out. I'll never be like I was before. I have to let that go. Things will never fit like they used to. So how will I be in the future? That's what is eluding me. However, I did find a web site last night that offered some pics along with critical information like age, weight, height, and implant size for reconstruction (not augmentation, which is totally different for implant decisions). Anyway, that site helped a bit. When I meet with my plastic surgeon on Thursday, I'm going to ask him what he thinks of 450cc (part way between where I was at xmas and where I am now). I guess splitting the difference is the safest thing I can do in this guessing game.
Another breast cancer survivor who is about 3 or 4 months ahead of me (Emily) wrote about an imaginary fight with an unknown, judgmental, clueless person at a yoga class. She relayed this daydream about some stranger seeing her in her yoga top and talking about how shallow Emily must be to have such obvious breast surgery. I would have laughed, but it was much too real for me to do more than crack a smile. I totally get that fear. And right now, in the next 2 days, I have to make the critical decision that will seal my fate. If I go too small, my breasts won't reach past my stomach and I'll always feel fat and undesirable. If I go too big, I'll be the one ridiculed by those-who-know (but aren't really my friends) for "taking advantage of the situation" and by those-who-don't-know for "striving to be Barbie."
In Emily's imaginary fight, she strikes back by letting the clueless person know she had cancer. In my imaginary situations, I fear the passive aggressive route. No one will actually say anything within ear shot. It will all happen without me knowing. But I'll know. Or suspect. Or perhaps I'll just always be paranoid and no one will ever have a thought or care about it in any way.
Regardless, we all know it's not about them. It's about me. All I'm trying to do is get back physically - and with self-confidence, too. The motto at my plastic surgeon's office really sums it up for me - "To restore and make whole..."
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Another 4 miler
So we did make it back in time for me to run before nightfall. The sidewalks are clear and it was in the upper 40s today so I ran in shorts and a long sleeve tee, even so, I was a little warm. It felt good to be out running, although my knee was a little annoyed with me. I ran 2 miles and then walked/ran 2 more. I had my Garmin 305so it was much easier to track pace than when I have to do the math on 1/8 laps. My miles were 11:15, 11:18, 12:57, and 13:56. My 5K was 36:26. Total time was 49:17.
I had no water stops today and my outdoor mile lap has some small hills. I carried my favorite skinny water bottle with me, as is my habit when I run outside. I don't think I've done that since surgery though. By the way, if you ever see a 16 oz sports bottle that is about 2 inches in diameter, get me about 3 of them. I have only one and I love it.
As I was coming in from the run, Ken was just leaving to take Jason and his friend to baseball practice at a batting cage/pitching net place (indoors). They are both on a travel-lite team (less games than the hard core travel teams, but good players) and it's very cool they get to play together. We will be sooooo sad when his friend has to move because his father is in the military. They will probably leave in the spring.
I'd better get the ice out now. Ken told me to ice the knee as we passed in the kitchen. I hate icing. The only time I appreciated it was when training for the half marathon and I'm convinced icing kept me injury free when I did it strategically just a couple of times.
Today is exactly 2 months post-surgery. That's hard to fathom.
I'm looking forward to another relaxing night. Ken has plans with some friends, so it will just be me and the kids. I think I'll watch a movie with all young people in it tonight.
I had no water stops today and my outdoor mile lap has some small hills. I carried my favorite skinny water bottle with me, as is my habit when I run outside. I don't think I've done that since surgery though. By the way, if you ever see a 16 oz sports bottle that is about 2 inches in diameter, get me about 3 of them. I have only one and I love it.
As I was coming in from the run, Ken was just leaving to take Jason and his friend to baseball practice at a batting cage/pitching net place (indoors). They are both on a travel-lite team (less games than the hard core travel teams, but good players) and it's very cool they get to play together. We will be sooooo sad when his friend has to move because his father is in the military. They will probably leave in the spring.
I'd better get the ice out now. Ken told me to ice the knee as we passed in the kitchen. I hate icing. The only time I appreciated it was when training for the half marathon and I'm convinced icing kept me injury free when I did it strategically just a couple of times.
Today is exactly 2 months post-surgery. That's hard to fathom.
I'm looking forward to another relaxing night. Ken has plans with some friends, so it will just be me and the kids. I think I'll watch a movie with all young people in it tonight.
Chasing youth
We watched a movie (DVD) last night and it was pretty good. It was one of the better ones Jennifer Aniston has done since friends, I think. Shirley MacLaine and Kevin Costner were in it too. I really enjoyed some down time and the process of watching the moving and drinking my new favorite wine (Menage a Trois, red).
Then later, as I was getting ready for bed and replaying the story in my mind, I realized that I was identifying much more with Shirley MacLaine than Jennifer Aniston. Shirley is a great actress and very impressive, but shouldn't I be identifying with the woman who is 3 years younger than me instead of the woman who is 33 years older than me? Prior to the surgery I was walking around being a good 5 years younger than I really am. I was healthy and vibrant and young and desirable and living in the present and future, rarely dwelling on the past. I wasn't worried much about my youth slipping away. I felt young despite evidence to the contrary. And now . . . well now . . . I feel like I've aged decades since the surgery.
In trying to explain why I was sad to Ken, he was very wonderful and supportive as always. And he was adamant that he and everyone else still sees me as that young, vibrant, desirable, healthy woman. When talking with acquaintances about my surgery and recovery, he says others are surprised to find that I'm not in my mid-30s (I'm 43). He is confident I should be able to get back there, but it will take time since I've had such a life-changing, traumatic experience.
I feel old now and like my youth has just been snapped away forever. But you are as old as you feel, as they say. I now have a whole new appreciation for that old cliche. Maybe it's not so cliche after all - and it goes both directions - I'm only as young as I feel. I guess this is yet another rehab issue I'll be adding to the long list of things I need to deal with to "get back."
My knee has been a problem since I last ran, which was . . . yep, 4 days ago. I'm getting into a "4 days ago" pattern that isn't good. Three days would be more acceptable for the fitness world. After 3 days, endurance starts to slip. So to build on previous exercise each time and to make the most of my toils, I should really try to not let 3 days go by without running. The weather is supposed to be good today. I may try to run and hope the knee can handle it. Before I can do that, Jason has a basketball game and then Val and I have hair cut appointments. We probably won't be home until 4:30pm. When does it get dark now? Darn. I guess I should have gotten a jump this morning on that process of chasing my youth.
Then later, as I was getting ready for bed and replaying the story in my mind, I realized that I was identifying much more with Shirley MacLaine than Jennifer Aniston. Shirley is a great actress and very impressive, but shouldn't I be identifying with the woman who is 3 years younger than me instead of the woman who is 33 years older than me? Prior to the surgery I was walking around being a good 5 years younger than I really am. I was healthy and vibrant and young and desirable and living in the present and future, rarely dwelling on the past. I wasn't worried much about my youth slipping away. I felt young despite evidence to the contrary. And now . . . well now . . . I feel like I've aged decades since the surgery.
In trying to explain why I was sad to Ken, he was very wonderful and supportive as always. And he was adamant that he and everyone else still sees me as that young, vibrant, desirable, healthy woman. When talking with acquaintances about my surgery and recovery, he says others are surprised to find that I'm not in my mid-30s (I'm 43). He is confident I should be able to get back there, but it will take time since I've had such a life-changing, traumatic experience.
I feel old now and like my youth has just been snapped away forever. But you are as old as you feel, as they say. I now have a whole new appreciation for that old cliche. Maybe it's not so cliche after all - and it goes both directions - I'm only as young as I feel. I guess this is yet another rehab issue I'll be adding to the long list of things I need to deal with to "get back."
My knee has been a problem since I last ran, which was . . . yep, 4 days ago. I'm getting into a "4 days ago" pattern that isn't good. Three days would be more acceptable for the fitness world. After 3 days, endurance starts to slip. So to build on previous exercise each time and to make the most of my toils, I should really try to not let 3 days go by without running. The weather is supposed to be good today. I may try to run and hope the knee can handle it. Before I can do that, Jason has a basketball game and then Val and I have hair cut appointments. We probably won't be home until 4:30pm. When does it get dark now? Darn. I guess I should have gotten a jump this morning on that process of chasing my youth.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Motivation
Work is kicking my butt right now. I've got meetings back to back the only three days I'm there this week. Monday was a holiday and Friday the kids have off school for some reason that escapes me now. Since I'm in meetings all the time, I have no time to actually do work. Also, at many of the meetings, I get more work. I did a little on Monday morning, despite the holiday. I may need to work some of the time on Friday, too (from home, fortunately).
The kids are old enough to not need constant guidance, or any intervention at all for hours on end now. So I may need to use at least half the day on Friday to dig out from under the hole. I'm lucky I've got a place to work with flexible hours and the ability to work from home. Otherwise I might let this week cause a bunch of stress I don't need. I guess I just need to manage my expectations and ensure I'm being realistic in what I can do by when. All will work out fine in the end.
I haven't done great with exercise lately. Until today, I've had nothing to report since my mediocre run on Thursday after my "fill." I did a lot of standing and walking around all day on Sunday when I was officiating a swim meet for about 8 hours, but that was not cardio, certainly.
Today I ran again, though. The kids were at swim team practice and I went to RPAC to take advantage of the track as has been my MO the past few weeks. I thought about running outside since it wasn't too cold today and the rain over the past week has expedited the snow melt. However, I decided against the outside workout when I was reminded of my doctor's response when I told him I was running . . . "Not outside, right?!?!" I guess he didn't want me to slip and fall on ice, black or otherwise, and make more troubles for myself by ripping his beloved stitchwork. We certainly have the same goals about his stitchwork, so I decided to play it safe.
I ran 2 miles but stopped for a quick water break off the clock after each mile. Then I walked about a half mile (on the clock) and ran the rest of the 5K distance. If I ignore the water stops, I did the 5K in 36:40, and that's not too bad considering my half mile of walking. My miles were 10:26, 10:24, and 14:37.
My right knee was acting up during the run. It felt like it needed to pop or stretch or something. I tried a quick stretch at the 1 mile water stop, but it didn't help. It got a little better as I went along but never went away. Strange. I don't usually have knee issues. Usually it's a calf or hip acting up. Oh well. I'm going to treat it like an anomaly and ignore it for now. Hopefully it won't recur when I run again. Hopefully I'll run again before 4 more days pass.
Today I also had a nice lunch with a colleague and friend. She was keeping up with the blog so I didn't need to give an update. Instead, we talked about exercise motivation and as we talked I reminded myself how much easier it was when I had a training plan and I knew which days I had to run and which days I didn't have to run. On the days I didn't have to run, there was no guilt. Just a piece of mind. And on the days I was scheduled to run, I had less procrastination and arguing with myself because I already knew it was a day to run. I should try that again. However, that much structure would necessitate running outside sometimes since I can't always get to RPAC on a regular schedule.
Only 9 more days for me to decide whether to have my surgery before or after the implant surgery. Get your vote in now! It's on the top right section of my blog. Of course, I'll do whatever I want anyway, but it's fun to use the cool vote feature to engage everyone in playing along. I know . . . what a geek I am.
The kids are old enough to not need constant guidance, or any intervention at all for hours on end now. So I may need to use at least half the day on Friday to dig out from under the hole. I'm lucky I've got a place to work with flexible hours and the ability to work from home. Otherwise I might let this week cause a bunch of stress I don't need. I guess I just need to manage my expectations and ensure I'm being realistic in what I can do by when. All will work out fine in the end.
I haven't done great with exercise lately. Until today, I've had nothing to report since my mediocre run on Thursday after my "fill." I did a lot of standing and walking around all day on Sunday when I was officiating a swim meet for about 8 hours, but that was not cardio, certainly.
Today I ran again, though. The kids were at swim team practice and I went to RPAC to take advantage of the track as has been my MO the past few weeks. I thought about running outside since it wasn't too cold today and the rain over the past week has expedited the snow melt. However, I decided against the outside workout when I was reminded of my doctor's response when I told him I was running . . . "Not outside, right?!?!" I guess he didn't want me to slip and fall on ice, black or otherwise, and make more troubles for myself by ripping his beloved stitchwork. We certainly have the same goals about his stitchwork, so I decided to play it safe.
I ran 2 miles but stopped for a quick water break off the clock after each mile. Then I walked about a half mile (on the clock) and ran the rest of the 5K distance. If I ignore the water stops, I did the 5K in 36:40, and that's not too bad considering my half mile of walking. My miles were 10:26, 10:24, and 14:37.
My right knee was acting up during the run. It felt like it needed to pop or stretch or something. I tried a quick stretch at the 1 mile water stop, but it didn't help. It got a little better as I went along but never went away. Strange. I don't usually have knee issues. Usually it's a calf or hip acting up. Oh well. I'm going to treat it like an anomaly and ignore it for now. Hopefully it won't recur when I run again. Hopefully I'll run again before 4 more days pass.
Today I also had a nice lunch with a colleague and friend. She was keeping up with the blog so I didn't need to give an update. Instead, we talked about exercise motivation and as we talked I reminded myself how much easier it was when I had a training plan and I knew which days I had to run and which days I didn't have to run. On the days I didn't have to run, there was no guilt. Just a piece of mind. And on the days I was scheduled to run, I had less procrastination and arguing with myself because I already knew it was a day to run. I should try that again. However, that much structure would necessitate running outside sometimes since I can't always get to RPAC on a regular schedule.
Only 9 more days for me to decide whether to have my surgery before or after the implant surgery. Get your vote in now! It's on the top right section of my blog. Of course, I'll do whatever I want anyway, but it's fun to use the cool vote feature to engage everyone in playing along. I know . . . what a geek I am.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Weekend
It's the weekend - and a long weekend too since we have Monday off. So all is good.
I have nothing to report on the expanders situation except they are still tight and annoying. It's a dull, annoying, constant discomfort, not really pain like I was having when I moved and the stitch was pulling on my tissue. So I'm not on narcotics but am taking Aleve and a muscle relaxant sometimes. Not tonight though. Tonight, our colleague, Dan brought us the most wonderful dinner and then he joined us to eat it. We had fabulous baked, glazed pork, ceasar salad, wine, juice, and his famous brownies. It was perfect. And such a great evening. I was glad I wasn't on pain meds because I probably had 3 glasses of wine.
Tonight the kids are headed to bed early because they have a swim meet tomorrow that begins early in the morning and lasts all day. I have to officiate the meet, too, so it will be busy for all of us. Tonight, Ken and I have to pack for the meet, but maybe we'll be done in time to watch a movie that arrived several weeks ago from Netflixs but we haven't made time to see yet.
I wanted to get out to run today, it was great weather, but I didn't. I did my part in cleaning up the house from Christmas, though. We all did. We got all the ornaments put away and all the decorations throughout the house cleared, too. Now we need to finish getting the lights off the tree and then take it down. Then we'll be cleaned up from Christmas, and it isn't even February yet.
Don't forget to let your opinion known on my poll. On the right column on this page is my poll and there are only 12 more days to vote. Should I train for the race and postpone my implants for a month or should I get my implants as early as I can and just walk the race? Read my post from Jan 14 to find out why the race matters this year. It isn't about the race, you know. It never is. I'm not a racer, I'm slow. It's more about the sense of accomplishment and training for something. And it's about not being held back by my body, even after the challenging year I had. Then again, getting those expanders out and moving on with the process will speed the healing of my body and allow me to put all this behind me sooner. I've got less than two weeks to decide. This decision is much easier than the first one during this ordeal, though. The consequences are not nearly as severe as choosing a bilateral mastectomy or a lumpectomy. This is a walk in the park compared to that.
I have nothing to report on the expanders situation except they are still tight and annoying. It's a dull, annoying, constant discomfort, not really pain like I was having when I moved and the stitch was pulling on my tissue. So I'm not on narcotics but am taking Aleve and a muscle relaxant sometimes. Not tonight though. Tonight, our colleague, Dan brought us the most wonderful dinner and then he joined us to eat it. We had fabulous baked, glazed pork, ceasar salad, wine, juice, and his famous brownies. It was perfect. And such a great evening. I was glad I wasn't on pain meds because I probably had 3 glasses of wine.
Tonight the kids are headed to bed early because they have a swim meet tomorrow that begins early in the morning and lasts all day. I have to officiate the meet, too, so it will be busy for all of us. Tonight, Ken and I have to pack for the meet, but maybe we'll be done in time to watch a movie that arrived several weeks ago from Netflixs but we haven't made time to see yet.
I wanted to get out to run today, it was great weather, but I didn't. I did my part in cleaning up the house from Christmas, though. We all did. We got all the ornaments put away and all the decorations throughout the house cleared, too. Now we need to finish getting the lights off the tree and then take it down. Then we'll be cleaned up from Christmas, and it isn't even February yet.
Don't forget to let your opinion known on my poll. On the right column on this page is my poll and there are only 12 more days to vote. Should I train for the race and postpone my implants for a month or should I get my implants as early as I can and just walk the race? Read my post from Jan 14 to find out why the race matters this year. It isn't about the race, you know. It never is. I'm not a racer, I'm slow. It's more about the sense of accomplishment and training for something. And it's about not being held back by my body, even after the challenging year I had. Then again, getting those expanders out and moving on with the process will speed the healing of my body and allow me to put all this behind me sooner. I've got less than two weeks to decide. This decision is much easier than the first one during this ordeal, though. The consequences are not nearly as severe as choosing a bilateral mastectomy or a lumpectomy. This is a walk in the park compared to that.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Ouch
I must have forgotten how much it hurt. I've been operating in rehab mode and making great progress with reaching, stretching, and running. And the pain was gone. My last fill was before Christmas and my skin had stretched to accommodate the expander. My breasts were more like the perfectly inflated volleyball with some "play" in the skin . . . . I love those volleyballs, they always allowed my serves to float and become harder to return. Now I'm overfilled and stretched tight again. Over-inflated volleyballs sting when you bump them.
Anyway, now I hurt again. And I'm back on muscle relaxants and vicodin. It seems so long since I've needed meds.
I saw my plastic surgeon today. The nurses actually do the filling process so I haven't seen him since before my first fill. I knew I was getting close to full and I wanted his consultation on how much I needed to add. He liked the way things were looking but wanted to overfill me to make more skin for the implant surgery. So I got another 80cc added to each. I was surprised he wanted that much, I was expecting 40 or 60. I'm at 490 now. Soon I'll be rivaling Pamela Anderson. Ok, not really. But I do feel quite round and out there.
I was relived when the doc confirmed that a stitch holding in the expander was causing the pain I had for several weeks on my left side . It's common for stitches to get tugged on and cause pain during some phases of the filling process. I also got a referral for physical therapy to get rid of this cord-like thing that is in my left underarm and annoying me by sticking out, being sore, and restricting my arm reach. Ann, thanks for warning me to watch for that and to ask for physical therapy.
And last, but certainly not least, we discussed possible dates for my implant surgery. He wants it no less than 8 weeks after the last fill, which puts me close to spring break when we are going on vacation. We briefly considered speeding it up and scheduling surgery in mid-March instead of April, but decided against it. Now I need to decide whether to have the implant surgery after we get back from vacation in mid-April or wait yet another month and have the surgery after the Race for the Cure.
So here's the crux of it: If I schedule surgery after the race, I can continue to train and will be ready to run the 5K race. If I have the surgery between vacation and the race, I'll have to walk the race this year because I will not be allowed to run for 6 to 8 weeks post-op.
Answer my poll in the right column on the front page of my blog. Let me know what you think. I'll do whatever I want anyway, but I think it would be fun to find out what you all think. It expires on Jan 28 when I need to tell the doc my decision. Vote now. Vote often.
I've run the Race for the Cure for the past 5 years in memory of Cathy, my friend and mentor who passed away from breast cancer. So when I was diagnoised, Ken and Valerie were psyched to do the race with me this year. Jason was waffling on it because it's so far (5K which is 3.1 miles), but I'm sure he'd be able walk and run it. Other friends talked about doing the race as a group and then coming back to our house for a celebration. I know we could still do all that if I walk the race instead of run it, but it just wouldn't be as dramatic, you know. Not that I'm a drama queen (anymore), but I can imagine it being very empowering to run the race as I have in the past. It certainly would be a challenge and I would need to train hard to get back into shape enough to run a full three miles without walking. I can't run that distance now.
Today after work, I went to RPAC and spent 47 minutes on the track. I didn't check the splits, but I know I didn't run more than a half mile at a time, usually a quarter mile and then I walked a lap. In the end, I think I did 3.5 miles. My new tight chest makes it tough to take in a full breath again. I was also just coming off of pain meds and muscle relaxants from the fill (which make me VERY thirsty all the time). I forgot how truly brick-like these expanders can be when they are doing their job of stretching instead of just maintaining.
I'll see the doc again in two weeks to determine both the size of the implant and the date of the surgery. I hope I won't need another fill, but he said it's possible depending on how things look then. He wants to be sure to have enough skin to make a "desirable" scar. Also, if the skin is too tight, it will stay that way with the new implant and won't be as comfortable and realistic long-term. I must be patient. A patient patient. I am not good at being either one. However, I will do as instructed. I like the doc and nurses and trust them very much.
Speaking of the nurse, Krissy is really great. She does the areola tatoos so we talked nipples before the doc came in. I'm pretty sure I am not going to get nipple construction surgery. The result of that surgery is a huge nipple that decreases in size over time but is always erect even after it shrinks. If I had chronically erect nipples, I would be much too self-conscious in a swim suit and would need to wear a bra all the time too. I think I'll do the tatoo only and Krissy will do her magic to make a 3D-looking nipple in the middle. It won't look real under scrutany, but at a glance, it will look like I have nipples, even though it will all be an illusion.
Today I took my bra off in the locker room at RPAC. I hadn't done that yet and instead usually hide in the shower stall to do that. This time I just turned toward the corner and changed. No one screamed and ran away, so I'm pretty sure no one noticed.
Anyway, now I hurt again. And I'm back on muscle relaxants and vicodin. It seems so long since I've needed meds.
I saw my plastic surgeon today. The nurses actually do the filling process so I haven't seen him since before my first fill. I knew I was getting close to full and I wanted his consultation on how much I needed to add. He liked the way things were looking but wanted to overfill me to make more skin for the implant surgery. So I got another 80cc added to each. I was surprised he wanted that much, I was expecting 40 or 60. I'm at 490 now. Soon I'll be rivaling Pamela Anderson. Ok, not really. But I do feel quite round and out there.
I was relived when the doc confirmed that a stitch holding in the expander was causing the pain I had for several weeks on my left side . It's common for stitches to get tugged on and cause pain during some phases of the filling process. I also got a referral for physical therapy to get rid of this cord-like thing that is in my left underarm and annoying me by sticking out, being sore, and restricting my arm reach. Ann, thanks for warning me to watch for that and to ask for physical therapy.
And last, but certainly not least, we discussed possible dates for my implant surgery. He wants it no less than 8 weeks after the last fill, which puts me close to spring break when we are going on vacation. We briefly considered speeding it up and scheduling surgery in mid-March instead of April, but decided against it. Now I need to decide whether to have the implant surgery after we get back from vacation in mid-April or wait yet another month and have the surgery after the Race for the Cure.
So here's the crux of it: If I schedule surgery after the race, I can continue to train and will be ready to run the 5K race. If I have the surgery between vacation and the race, I'll have to walk the race this year because I will not be allowed to run for 6 to 8 weeks post-op.
Answer my poll in the right column on the front page of my blog. Let me know what you think. I'll do whatever I want anyway, but I think it would be fun to find out what you all think. It expires on Jan 28 when I need to tell the doc my decision. Vote now. Vote often.
I've run the Race for the Cure for the past 5 years in memory of Cathy, my friend and mentor who passed away from breast cancer. So when I was diagnoised, Ken and Valerie were psyched to do the race with me this year. Jason was waffling on it because it's so far (5K which is 3.1 miles), but I'm sure he'd be able walk and run it. Other friends talked about doing the race as a group and then coming back to our house for a celebration. I know we could still do all that if I walk the race instead of run it, but it just wouldn't be as dramatic, you know. Not that I'm a drama queen (anymore), but I can imagine it being very empowering to run the race as I have in the past. It certainly would be a challenge and I would need to train hard to get back into shape enough to run a full three miles without walking. I can't run that distance now.
Today after work, I went to RPAC and spent 47 minutes on the track. I didn't check the splits, but I know I didn't run more than a half mile at a time, usually a quarter mile and then I walked a lap. In the end, I think I did 3.5 miles. My new tight chest makes it tough to take in a full breath again. I was also just coming off of pain meds and muscle relaxants from the fill (which make me VERY thirsty all the time). I forgot how truly brick-like these expanders can be when they are doing their job of stretching instead of just maintaining.
I'll see the doc again in two weeks to determine both the size of the implant and the date of the surgery. I hope I won't need another fill, but he said it's possible depending on how things look then. He wants to be sure to have enough skin to make a "desirable" scar. Also, if the skin is too tight, it will stay that way with the new implant and won't be as comfortable and realistic long-term. I must be patient. A patient patient. I am not good at being either one. However, I will do as instructed. I like the doc and nurses and trust them very much.
Speaking of the nurse, Krissy is really great. She does the areola tatoos so we talked nipples before the doc came in. I'm pretty sure I am not going to get nipple construction surgery. The result of that surgery is a huge nipple that decreases in size over time but is always erect even after it shrinks. If I had chronically erect nipples, I would be much too self-conscious in a swim suit and would need to wear a bra all the time too. I think I'll do the tatoo only and Krissy will do her magic to make a 3D-looking nipple in the middle. It won't look real under scrutany, but at a glance, it will look like I have nipples, even though it will all be an illusion.
Today I took my bra off in the locker room at RPAC. I hadn't done that yet and instead usually hide in the shower stall to do that. This time I just turned toward the corner and changed. No one screamed and ran away, so I'm pretty sure no one noticed.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Progress despite stress
Work has been tough already this week - and it's only Tuesday. I've had meetings back-to-back, tasks handed to me at most of the meetings, no time to do any of the work, tough decisions looming, trouble with my email, etc. On top of that, I learned I was ignoring a colleague's calls and emails because I thought he was a vendor trying to sell me something I didn't need. I apologized profusely.
Today after work I was stressed and in a pretty bad mood. So naturally, I was trying to think of greasy spoons to visit after swim practice where I could get bad food and a beer. Why is it that I always want something bad for me when I've been stressed which is already bad for me? It's counter-intuitive. You would think I'd crave activities and foods that are good for me when I need them the most to deal with the stress. But nope.
It's okay though. I didn't succumb to the dark side after all.
While the kids were at swim practice, I went to the indoor track and ran. This time I was planning a shorter workout so I decided to run 20 minutes or 2 miles straight, whichever I could do. I ended up doing the 2 miles in 21:35 (10:45 and 10:50) without stopping the watch, with no drinks (which I desperately wanted to stop for), and with no walking. That's the furthest I've run without stopping since I had surgery. I was proud of my recent 4 milers, but they included at least 3/4 mile of walking and only one mile running between walks. Today my legs handled the 2 miles pretty well but my wind (breath) was labored. I didn't finish strong. I don't have any endurance at all. Well, I guess I have more than I did a few weeks ago.
And I have more good news . . . I was able to stretch, really stretch after running today. I could stretch my back, my arms, my hips, and even my chest. I also could activate my abs without the searing pain in my side I felt just last week. I'm not sure why I have this improvement now. It could be because I'm healing. Or because things have shifted a bit and the expander is no longer pulling on the stitch. Or because I quit wearing bras for daily activity. Yep. I just quit. Burn the bras. They were pressing on the area that was hurting and so I decided to try to stop wearing them. Bras makes no difference at all in decency or shape anymore (except I look little smaller cuz I don't fully fill the B cup). However, I do wear a sports bra when running - doctor's orders. It felt good to get that off when I got home. I feel better all around, too because I ran off the stress and I ate well today.
Beth reported that her friend, E is only 5 days after final implant surgery and she is "already off the pain meds, reaching up and looking hot." Beth also reports that E says "they're lighter, and softer and comfortable." I'm not at all looking forward to having surgery again and going through rehab again and not being able to run. However, I'm very much looking forward to getting these expanders out. Hmmm, if the implants are lighter, I might actually find a way to drop a few pounds.
Today after work I was stressed and in a pretty bad mood. So naturally, I was trying to think of greasy spoons to visit after swim practice where I could get bad food and a beer. Why is it that I always want something bad for me when I've been stressed which is already bad for me? It's counter-intuitive. You would think I'd crave activities and foods that are good for me when I need them the most to deal with the stress. But nope.
It's okay though. I didn't succumb to the dark side after all.
While the kids were at swim practice, I went to the indoor track and ran. This time I was planning a shorter workout so I decided to run 20 minutes or 2 miles straight, whichever I could do. I ended up doing the 2 miles in 21:35 (10:45 and 10:50) without stopping the watch, with no drinks (which I desperately wanted to stop for), and with no walking. That's the furthest I've run without stopping since I had surgery. I was proud of my recent 4 milers, but they included at least 3/4 mile of walking and only one mile running between walks. Today my legs handled the 2 miles pretty well but my wind (breath) was labored. I didn't finish strong. I don't have any endurance at all. Well, I guess I have more than I did a few weeks ago.
And I have more good news . . . I was able to stretch, really stretch after running today. I could stretch my back, my arms, my hips, and even my chest. I also could activate my abs without the searing pain in my side I felt just last week. I'm not sure why I have this improvement now. It could be because I'm healing. Or because things have shifted a bit and the expander is no longer pulling on the stitch. Or because I quit wearing bras for daily activity. Yep. I just quit. Burn the bras. They were pressing on the area that was hurting and so I decided to try to stop wearing them. Bras makes no difference at all in decency or shape anymore (except I look little smaller cuz I don't fully fill the B cup). However, I do wear a sports bra when running - doctor's orders. It felt good to get that off when I got home. I feel better all around, too because I ran off the stress and I ate well today.
Beth reported that her friend, E is only 5 days after final implant surgery and she is "already off the pain meds, reaching up and looking hot." Beth also reports that E says "they're lighter, and softer and comfortable." I'm not at all looking forward to having surgery again and going through rehab again and not being able to run. However, I'm very much looking forward to getting these expanders out. Hmmm, if the implants are lighter, I might actually find a way to drop a few pounds.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Five days forward, two days back
First the good news. I had a tough workout today. I went to RPAC again, this time with the whole family but none of them were crazy enough to follow me to the 4th floor track. Good thing, too. It wasn't pretty. I went 4 miles again (10:22, 12:56, 13:07, 13:04) . This time I completed it in 49:48 and only walked 6 of the 32 laps. On Tuesday, I did a similar workout in 54 minutes and walked 13 of the 32 laps.
After the workout I felt like I ran a half marathon and my body was reacting that way too. It took probably 5 minutes to slow down my breathing and return back to normal. I was hurting. Not hurting, hurting. Just hurting in the sweaty kind of way.
I also ate pretty well today and my left side has not been nearly as sore this weekend.
The bad news is that I returned to the dark side on Friday and Saturday, after only 5 days of trying to lose weight. I didn't exercise either day and I ate . . . well, everything. I had M&Ms and cookies and popcorn - even a personal pizza at the movies. I made the mistake of stepping on the scale and then got depressed and gave up. It's just too far to go. Of course it was the middle of the day and I was clothed, but still it was beyond depressing. I stepped on it first thing this morning, right out of a shower and it was not as bleak. It's amazing what a difference 2 pounds can make in my outlook, especially since it's nothing compared to the 20 I need to drop. I think I'll stay off the scale for awhile. It's a portkey to the dark side which is populated with sweets and carbs and couches, oh my.
We went to the movies Saturday night and saw The Blind Side, the story of Michael Oher (pernounced like my name, Orr), a homeless boy who becomes a first round draft pick in the NFL. It was Jason and Val's first PG13 movie and Jason was especially impressed with that. I liked it a lot and found it very inspirational. I'm also reading a book about a person who walks around the world (a colleague lent the book to me and I really like it). Maybe the combination of those inspiring stories, anger at my fall from eating/exercising grace, and relief the scale actually shows 2 pounds lighter got me back on track for losing some pounds. Or at least making a decent effort at doing so.
After the workout I felt like I ran a half marathon and my body was reacting that way too. It took probably 5 minutes to slow down my breathing and return back to normal. I was hurting. Not hurting, hurting. Just hurting in the sweaty kind of way.
I also ate pretty well today and my left side has not been nearly as sore this weekend.
The bad news is that I returned to the dark side on Friday and Saturday, after only 5 days of trying to lose weight. I didn't exercise either day and I ate . . . well, everything. I had M&Ms and cookies and popcorn - even a personal pizza at the movies. I made the mistake of stepping on the scale and then got depressed and gave up. It's just too far to go. Of course it was the middle of the day and I was clothed, but still it was beyond depressing. I stepped on it first thing this morning, right out of a shower and it was not as bleak. It's amazing what a difference 2 pounds can make in my outlook, especially since it's nothing compared to the 20 I need to drop. I think I'll stay off the scale for awhile. It's a portkey to the dark side which is populated with sweets and carbs and couches, oh my.
We went to the movies Saturday night and saw The Blind Side, the story of Michael Oher (pernounced like my name, Orr), a homeless boy who becomes a first round draft pick in the NFL. It was Jason and Val's first PG13 movie and Jason was especially impressed with that. I liked it a lot and found it very inspirational. I'm also reading a book about a person who walks around the world (a colleague lent the book to me and I really like it). Maybe the combination of those inspiring stories, anger at my fall from eating/exercising grace, and relief the scale actually shows 2 pounds lighter got me back on track for losing some pounds. Or at least making a decent effort at doing so.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Recovery time . . . or not
So I'm behaving like it's recovery time. Like I'm through it all and now it's time to reclaim my body, my activity, my crazy schedule, myself.
Today I even used shoveling snow for an hour as my workout. It was really, dry, powdery snow and not at all heavy, so don't worry. I just took the shovel and took care of the driveway and sidewalks. Then, because I was enjoying being out there and the snow was coming down quite a bit while I was shoveling, I did it all again. There was about 3 inches the first time and just a dusting the second time. I even toyed with going for a run because it was great out. However, Jason had a friend over and I couldn't leave them unsupervised. Besides, the hour of shoveling was an okay workout; not overly aerobic or challenging, but it got me moving. I'm starting to be more generous with what I consider a workout.
Anyway, I opened this post by noting that I'm behaving like it's time to make everything go back to normal. I'm acting like I need to push this rehab thing and then it will all be over. Yet I know that's not quite true. I read Beth's blog today and I'm going to quote part of it here because I know some of you don't really follow the links. (Ha, ha! Caught you! You blew right by that link, didn't you?) Beth is referencing a friend of hers who is also going through breast reconstruction and she's a few months ahead of us in the process. Yesterday she had surgery to replace her expanders with the real implants. Beth got to see her and below is her subsequent blog post:
Today I even used shoveling snow for an hour as my workout. It was really, dry, powdery snow and not at all heavy, so don't worry. I just took the shovel and took care of the driveway and sidewalks. Then, because I was enjoying being out there and the snow was coming down quite a bit while I was shoveling, I did it all again. There was about 3 inches the first time and just a dusting the second time. I even toyed with going for a run because it was great out. However, Jason had a friend over and I couldn't leave them unsupervised. Besides, the hour of shoveling was an okay workout; not overly aerobic or challenging, but it got me moving. I'm starting to be more generous with what I consider a workout.
Anyway, I opened this post by noting that I'm behaving like it's time to make everything go back to normal. I'm acting like I need to push this rehab thing and then it will all be over. Yet I know that's not quite true. I read Beth's blog today and I'm going to quote part of it here because I know some of you don't really follow the links. (Ha, ha! Caught you! You blew right by that link, didn't you?) Beth is referencing a friend of hers who is also going through breast reconstruction and she's a few months ahead of us in the process. Yesterday she had surgery to replace her expanders with the real implants. Beth got to see her and below is her subsequent blog post:
She looked wiped out and was in some pain. She said her expanders had started to separate and so he had to stitch her up on the inside to keep the implants closer together, ouch. She did say however that this pain was nothing compared to last time, thank God. I am nervous, already. I hate to go through this again, to be completely useless for a week and then the physical restrictions for another 3 weeks and no running yet again for 8 weeks.I know all this is true. It will also happen to me. It's required. I have to go back and have surgery and lose all this progress I'm making. I guess I'm just in denial right now. I want to be back. For good. Now.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Great blogs
Today I am so humbled. I have to tell you to stop reading my blog and read katherine's. She makes me cry and laugh at the same time. Her blog is so much more entertaining. Really, give it a try. I had to go back and read all of her posts from September to current.
I know, I know, none of you are actually reading my blog for fun. No one is that starved for entertainment. You are reading it because you know me and care about me and I'm so fortunate to have you in my life. Thank you. Now, if you're here because you listened to a steverunner podcast that sent you here or you are searching for someone going though breast cancer too, try katherine or beth's blogs. They are so much better. Actually, Beth has two, one for cancer and one for life before and after.
Nothing new to report today. My side is still very sore under and to the left of my left breast and it is limiting my movement and ability to stretch after exercise, or ever, really. I'm still trying to lose weight (day 4, yeah, I've got a long way to go). I ate well again today, though. No bad days yet. One step at a time. I couldn't fit in an exercise session today, so I printed a document I needed to read before a meeting and took15 minutes to read it while I walked all over the office. I went through mazes of cubes on the third and fouth floors, up and down lots of stairs and hallways, stopping at an occassional water fountain. I kept the pace a little brisk so I could count the respite as exercise. However, I had to move slow enough to not run into people around corners and to still be able to write cryptic notes along the margins as the oh so prepared and insightful employee. Actually, it turned out that none of my ideas were original so I could have sluffed off that 15 mintues, but then I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten my walk in for the day.
Tonight, I helped Valerie study some science words and I sat in a chair with my Sharper Image back massage mat attached. Val and Michelle (Ken's sister) picked it out for me while I was recovering from surgery over Thanksgiving weekend. It was such a great Christmas gift. I also got fuzzy socks and a tea pot from them. It doesn't get much better than pampering from your 11 year old. Actually, it's even better when the 11 year old is proud of you and tells you so. My family is so great.
I know, I know, none of you are actually reading my blog for fun. No one is that starved for entertainment. You are reading it because you know me and care about me and I'm so fortunate to have you in my life. Thank you. Now, if you're here because you listened to a steverunner podcast that sent you here or you are searching for someone going though breast cancer too, try katherine or beth's blogs. They are so much better. Actually, Beth has two, one for cancer and one for life before and after.
Nothing new to report today. My side is still very sore under and to the left of my left breast and it is limiting my movement and ability to stretch after exercise, or ever, really. I'm still trying to lose weight (day 4, yeah, I've got a long way to go). I ate well again today, though. No bad days yet. One step at a time. I couldn't fit in an exercise session today, so I printed a document I needed to read before a meeting and took15 minutes to read it while I walked all over the office. I went through mazes of cubes on the third and fouth floors, up and down lots of stairs and hallways, stopping at an occassional water fountain. I kept the pace a little brisk so I could count the respite as exercise. However, I had to move slow enough to not run into people around corners and to still be able to write cryptic notes along the margins as the oh so prepared and insightful employee. Actually, it turned out that none of my ideas were original so I could have sluffed off that 15 mintues, but then I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten my walk in for the day.
Tonight, I helped Valerie study some science words and I sat in a chair with my Sharper Image back massage mat attached. Val and Michelle (Ken's sister) picked it out for me while I was recovering from surgery over Thanksgiving weekend. It was such a great Christmas gift. I also got fuzzy socks and a tea pot from them. It doesn't get much better than pampering from your 11 year old. Actually, it's even better when the 11 year old is proud of you and tells you so. My family is so great.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Great day
I had a good day at work today, a great workout, and then a friend called who I haven't talked with in years. Oh, and I ate healthy today and no doubt tipped the calories in/out scale.
At work, I got to meet with people I really enjoy and had some time to actually get some work output completed. It felt good to connect with people and be productive. I also used the stairs for the first time in months. It's quite a hike up to the fourth floor. The second floor is evil because it's actually 3 flights instead of 2. I rested at the third floor landing and wondered if I should negotiate to move my office down there.
My workout was great because I took a different approach to laps and I walked and ran 4 miles in about 54 minutes. I think that's right. I had to have Ken help me with the math formulas (he's a math superstar) but I applied them and may have made some critical error. But my watch agrees, so I'm going with that. Post surgery, I think I ran 5 miles in about an hour, so I'm making progress.
The difference in my workout today is that I decided it was crazy to measure my progress by miles. Miles made sense when I was running 3 or 5 or 10 or 13 miles. However, when one mile is difficult, using a mile as my measure is deflating. That train of thought took me to my attitude when I reached mile 11 of the 2008 half marathon, I remember rejoicing because I knew I could run 2 miles in my sleep. Ha ha ha. Not now, bucko. I also recalled that some of my marathon runner friends talking about marathons in 5K and 10K increments. It's all relative, isn't it?
Since I ran on the RPAC track again and it's 1/8 mile, I changed my measure to 1/8 mile and clicked the lap button on my watch at every lap whether I ran or walked. I always did the whole 1/8 mile (see, I'm even writing about it like it's a long way) running or walking. Then I did the geek thing and put it in a spreadsheet to analyze. Yes, I know I have no time to do this, but I was curious about my new measurement method. Let me say though, I certainly have a new appreciation for my Garmin 305 which does all this math for me.
If I was tracking miles, they were 10:38, 14:06, 12:14, and 17:45. My 5K distance was 38:16, which isn't bad since my personal best is about 29:00, which I ran in 2007 and afterward my legs were really wobbly. I trained a lot for that race to beat my 30 minute goal.
After I ran, I tried to stretch but I couldn't really stretch anything above the hip flexor. I tried many ways to stretch my lower back but all caused quite a bit of pain in my left side (below and to the left of my breast). I was hoping the sore place is where the expander is attached, but then why isn't the right side hurting too? Anyway, stretching anything other than my calves has been a challenge. I was able to figure out how to stretch my quad and hamstrings a little today (slow motion and very carefully). I also tried to do ab work but I couldn't even fully engage my abs without my left side screaming at me. That left side is pretty sore tonight. It was pretty sore last night too. I'll take meds before going to bed tonight. I'll talk with the surgeon about it next Thursday.
And last but certainly not least, an old friend called me tonight. He had heard from his parents (the grapevine in our small hometown is active as ever) that I had cancer and wasn't doing very well. I guess losing both breasts certainly can be interpreted that way. He's been worried about me. I was able to ease his mind by telling him I no longer have cancer, I do not need chemo or radiation, and I'm even running now. He's an ophthalmologist and is very familiar with surgery and biology and health and cancer and all. He talked about how people have trouble giving up one eye even if it doesn't work anymore and it is causing cronic pain, so he wasn't at all surprised of my angst over my surgery decision. We had a great talk and I'm so touched that he took the time to track me down.
At work, I got to meet with people I really enjoy and had some time to actually get some work output completed. It felt good to connect with people and be productive. I also used the stairs for the first time in months. It's quite a hike up to the fourth floor. The second floor is evil because it's actually 3 flights instead of 2. I rested at the third floor landing and wondered if I should negotiate to move my office down there.
My workout was great because I took a different approach to laps and I walked and ran 4 miles in about 54 minutes. I think that's right. I had to have Ken help me with the math formulas (he's a math superstar) but I applied them and may have made some critical error. But my watch agrees, so I'm going with that. Post surgery, I think I ran 5 miles in about an hour, so I'm making progress.
The difference in my workout today is that I decided it was crazy to measure my progress by miles. Miles made sense when I was running 3 or 5 or 10 or 13 miles. However, when one mile is difficult, using a mile as my measure is deflating. That train of thought took me to my attitude when I reached mile 11 of the 2008 half marathon, I remember rejoicing because I knew I could run 2 miles in my sleep. Ha ha ha. Not now, bucko. I also recalled that some of my marathon runner friends talking about marathons in 5K and 10K increments. It's all relative, isn't it?
Since I ran on the RPAC track again and it's 1/8 mile, I changed my measure to 1/8 mile and clicked the lap button on my watch at every lap whether I ran or walked. I always did the whole 1/8 mile (see, I'm even writing about it like it's a long way) running or walking. Then I did the geek thing and put it in a spreadsheet to analyze. Yes, I know I have no time to do this, but I was curious about my new measurement method. Let me say though, I certainly have a new appreciation for my Garmin 305 which does all this math for me.
If I was tracking miles, they were 10:38, 14:06, 12:14, and 17:45. My 5K distance was 38:16, which isn't bad since my personal best is about 29:00, which I ran in 2007 and afterward my legs were really wobbly. I trained a lot for that race to beat my 30 minute goal.
After I ran, I tried to stretch but I couldn't really stretch anything above the hip flexor. I tried many ways to stretch my lower back but all caused quite a bit of pain in my left side (below and to the left of my breast). I was hoping the sore place is where the expander is attached, but then why isn't the right side hurting too? Anyway, stretching anything other than my calves has been a challenge. I was able to figure out how to stretch my quad and hamstrings a little today (slow motion and very carefully). I also tried to do ab work but I couldn't even fully engage my abs without my left side screaming at me. That left side is pretty sore tonight. It was pretty sore last night too. I'll take meds before going to bed tonight. I'll talk with the surgeon about it next Thursday.
And last but certainly not least, an old friend called me tonight. He had heard from his parents (the grapevine in our small hometown is active as ever) that I had cancer and wasn't doing very well. I guess losing both breasts certainly can be interpreted that way. He's been worried about me. I was able to ease his mind by telling him I no longer have cancer, I do not need chemo or radiation, and I'm even running now. He's an ophthalmologist and is very familiar with surgery and biology and health and cancer and all. He talked about how people have trouble giving up one eye even if it doesn't work anymore and it is causing cronic pain, so he wasn't at all surprised of my angst over my surgery decision. We had a great talk and I'm so touched that he took the time to track me down.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Back to Work
I was out of work for something like 6 weeks, right? Well, today it certainly didn't seem like it. If it hadn't been for a couple of very nice "welcome back" cards and lots of work friends with whom I had "Hey! Glad you're back. You look great. How do you feel? Good, but don't overdo it, though." discussions, I might not have even noticed I had been out at all.
Going back to work after the holidays is very good timing, too. Everyone is into the r's of new year: rejoice, reflect, reconsider, recommit or reject, and renew. We're all starting anew, in some ways, and we all have our resolutions and "hope" lights re-lit. So it seems perfectly normal for me to be doing the same. Besides several people have been out one or more weeks over my 6 weeks hiatus, so many others are also playing catch up.
My morning meeting was with some incredibly capable colleagues with whom I will be working closely in the new role I've added to my plate. They are also taking on new roles or doing them very differently beginning this month, so we're all in it together. If today's meeting was any indication, we'll make great bedfellows. Well, in HR I probably shouldn't be mentioning beds, and "partners in crime" would be just as bad. I guess I'll just have to say I'm fortunate to be working with them.
I was glad that my energy stayed up during the day, too. I had a little dip right after lunch (we had a potluck for a unit that is leaving the department), but it came back quickly. Like Beth, I'm trying to lose some weight that I put on during this ordeal. Most cancer patients lose weight. But I'm certainly not complaining! I'll take the 10-15 pounds over having chemo any day. When I think about it that way, it's much easier to handle.
While Beth has a plan for losing weight, I don't. She's counting caleries which is a tried and true method that I'd do if I could bring myself to commit to looking up all the caleries for everything I eat and tracking them. I'm sure I would fail in that process. That's why I can't imagine doing weight watchers either. I've been successful before by going extreme for a few months with the no carb for 2 weeks and then slowly adding them back starting with one new vegetable per week. That's how I lost 30 pounds probably 5 or 6 years ago. Since then I've drop carbs for shorter time periods to shave off 10 lbs here and there that have creeped up over the years. I must have missed that cycle a couple of times though because I'm up about 30 again.
This time, I don't want to resort to the unhealthy route and exclude food groups. Who knows, that may have been the reason my LCIS turned into ILC. Or maybe it was the 3 months of birth control pills I took this summer. I don't know, obviously, but I just don't think dropping food groups is a good idea for someone on the mend anyway. Also, this time I don't expect to lose the entire 30 pounds. I'd be happy with 20. And I'm sure it will take longer with my exercise options being so limited and the second surgery looming in a few months.
So today I had a half of a peanut butter sandwich (on whole grain bread) for breakfast and then walked to and from my meeting, about 15 minutes each way. During the meeting, I had a vitimin water. At the potluck, I had one 8" plate of carefully selected food (hummus, fruit, and spinach salad, I think). I did not pass by Eunice's award winning Mac and Cheese though. I had to eat a couple tablespoons of that. I didn't even go to the dessert table. Tonight I've had a measuring cup of beef barley soup and an avacado. Then I was still hungry so I added 3 pieces of beef jerky while I'm writing here. I'm still hungry after that though, so I'm not sure what I'll do now. Maybe I'll make some tea or just go to bed.
Going back to work after the holidays is very good timing, too. Everyone is into the r's of new year: rejoice, reflect, reconsider, recommit or reject, and renew. We're all starting anew, in some ways, and we all have our resolutions and "hope" lights re-lit. So it seems perfectly normal for me to be doing the same. Besides several people have been out one or more weeks over my 6 weeks hiatus, so many others are also playing catch up.
My morning meeting was with some incredibly capable colleagues with whom I will be working closely in the new role I've added to my plate. They are also taking on new roles or doing them very differently beginning this month, so we're all in it together. If today's meeting was any indication, we'll make great bedfellows. Well, in HR I probably shouldn't be mentioning beds, and "partners in crime" would be just as bad. I guess I'll just have to say I'm fortunate to be working with them.
I was glad that my energy stayed up during the day, too. I had a little dip right after lunch (we had a potluck for a unit that is leaving the department), but it came back quickly. Like Beth, I'm trying to lose some weight that I put on during this ordeal. Most cancer patients lose weight. But I'm certainly not complaining! I'll take the 10-15 pounds over having chemo any day. When I think about it that way, it's much easier to handle.
While Beth has a plan for losing weight, I don't. She's counting caleries which is a tried and true method that I'd do if I could bring myself to commit to looking up all the caleries for everything I eat and tracking them. I'm sure I would fail in that process. That's why I can't imagine doing weight watchers either. I've been successful before by going extreme for a few months with the no carb for 2 weeks and then slowly adding them back starting with one new vegetable per week. That's how I lost 30 pounds probably 5 or 6 years ago. Since then I've drop carbs for shorter time periods to shave off 10 lbs here and there that have creeped up over the years. I must have missed that cycle a couple of times though because I'm up about 30 again.
This time, I don't want to resort to the unhealthy route and exclude food groups. Who knows, that may have been the reason my LCIS turned into ILC. Or maybe it was the 3 months of birth control pills I took this summer. I don't know, obviously, but I just don't think dropping food groups is a good idea for someone on the mend anyway. Also, this time I don't expect to lose the entire 30 pounds. I'd be happy with 20. And I'm sure it will take longer with my exercise options being so limited and the second surgery looming in a few months.
So today I had a half of a peanut butter sandwich (on whole grain bread) for breakfast and then walked to and from my meeting, about 15 minutes each way. During the meeting, I had a vitimin water. At the potluck, I had one 8" plate of carefully selected food (hummus, fruit, and spinach salad, I think). I did not pass by Eunice's award winning Mac and Cheese though. I had to eat a couple tablespoons of that. I didn't even go to the dessert table. Tonight I've had a measuring cup of beef barley soup and an avacado. Then I was still hungry so I added 3 pieces of beef jerky while I'm writing here. I'm still hungry after that though, so I'm not sure what I'll do now. Maybe I'll make some tea or just go to bed.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Track workout
We're back in Ohio now and back to the schedule we used to keep. I took the kids to swimming this afternoon at 1pm and I went to RPAC and ran and walked on the indoor track. I ran 1.5 miles, walked a lap (1/8 mile), ran another half mile, and then walked several more. So 2 miles running in all, but had a little break in there. I ran the first mile in 10:45 but I'm not sure about the split mile (probably 11 minutes of running time).
The RPAC track is where I did much of my speed and tempo training for the Race for the Cure 5K in 2007. My body is speedy at 10 minute miles, mind you, so remember that speed is all relative. However, I remember running some sprints at at 8:30 pace and tempos at under 10. For the race, I met my goal by running it in under 30 minutes. Getting back on that indoor track was very inspiring. I also switched from podcasts back to music for this workout and used my new playlist, that I called Strong.
It was great listening to songs on my running playlists from the last few years. The songs were upbeat and motivational and made me feel great about being there running. I only faltered a little and got weepy when one song reminded me "life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table." I've always love the lyrics to that song by Anna Nalick called Breathe (2am). The song is about not being able to turn back time and I guess this is the first time I've listened to it that I actually wished I could turn back time. And a little later a guy started running on the track ahead of me (well, actually everyone was ahead of me at some point) and his shirt had "Return to Glory" on the back. Now, I'm not delusional enough to ever think I was glorious in any capacity, certainly not running. However, I was running my last half mile and struggling and his shirt reminded me of how far I've slipped. That hurt too.
After my track workout, I tried to do some stretching like I used to do while there. I got a mat out and put it next to the railing. Ooooo. Then I learned that I'm a rock star at running right now compared to my ability to stretch. I had no idea my arms had anything to do with some of the stretching I did. I was mistaken.
My favorite stretch involves laying on my back and reaching behind me to hold on to the railing while I use my abs to pull my body straight up. It stretched my neck and back better than any stretch I've found. Then I would put my legs against the railing and walk my feet down toward my head and get a great hamstring and glute stretch too.
So I got on my back on the ground (with a wince). Then my right arm was raring to go and got in position, but I realized my left arm couldn't come close. Well, no problem. I used to be able to do this with just my index fingers on the railing. I don't really use my arms much. So I'll do it one handed. Uh. No. Okay, how about if I sit up and rock back and forth and use momentum to get my legs up in the air above me. Yes, that worked. But then I was stuck. My back wasn't really stretching and I couldn't get in a position that would let my legs walk down toward my head. So I rolled back down (wincing again).
I tried a few other stretches and basically learned that yoga won't be possible yet. My left arm is needed for so many stretches and it just is not at all ready to do any such thing. I thought I was doing okay, but that arm is really going to be a problem for rehab. I've been compensating with the right arm and haven't noticed how bad it was. Now I know.
So I sound all whiny, but I don't mean to be that way. Those short stumbles aside, I had "a great day at the track." I was there for an hour and then retrieved the kids from swimming and came home and started the major task of cleaning. Ick. We haven't even scratched the surface and Ken has been cleaning the entire day. Val and I joined him shortly after 3pm and are giving up now that it's night time.
I start work tomorrow. I have no idea how that will go. I'm going into a very challenging time with some new responsibilities and roles and so I'm hoping my energy will sustain me and help me succeed.
Beth is really starting off the new year with a bang! Three miles all at one time. Keep up the great work, Beth. You're amazing!
The RPAC track is where I did much of my speed and tempo training for the Race for the Cure 5K in 2007. My body is speedy at 10 minute miles, mind you, so remember that speed is all relative. However, I remember running some sprints at at 8:30 pace and tempos at under 10. For the race, I met my goal by running it in under 30 minutes. Getting back on that indoor track was very inspiring. I also switched from podcasts back to music for this workout and used my new playlist, that I called Strong.
It was great listening to songs on my running playlists from the last few years. The songs were upbeat and motivational and made me feel great about being there running. I only faltered a little and got weepy when one song reminded me "life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table." I've always love the lyrics to that song by Anna Nalick called Breathe (2am). The song is about not being able to turn back time and I guess this is the first time I've listened to it that I actually wished I could turn back time. And a little later a guy started running on the track ahead of me (well, actually everyone was ahead of me at some point) and his shirt had "Return to Glory" on the back. Now, I'm not delusional enough to ever think I was glorious in any capacity, certainly not running. However, I was running my last half mile and struggling and his shirt reminded me of how far I've slipped. That hurt too.
After my track workout, I tried to do some stretching like I used to do while there. I got a mat out and put it next to the railing. Ooooo. Then I learned that I'm a rock star at running right now compared to my ability to stretch. I had no idea my arms had anything to do with some of the stretching I did. I was mistaken.
My favorite stretch involves laying on my back and reaching behind me to hold on to the railing while I use my abs to pull my body straight up. It stretched my neck and back better than any stretch I've found. Then I would put my legs against the railing and walk my feet down toward my head and get a great hamstring and glute stretch too.
So I got on my back on the ground (with a wince). Then my right arm was raring to go and got in position, but I realized my left arm couldn't come close. Well, no problem. I used to be able to do this with just my index fingers on the railing. I don't really use my arms much. So I'll do it one handed. Uh. No. Okay, how about if I sit up and rock back and forth and use momentum to get my legs up in the air above me. Yes, that worked. But then I was stuck. My back wasn't really stretching and I couldn't get in a position that would let my legs walk down toward my head. So I rolled back down (wincing again).
I tried a few other stretches and basically learned that yoga won't be possible yet. My left arm is needed for so many stretches and it just is not at all ready to do any such thing. I thought I was doing okay, but that arm is really going to be a problem for rehab. I've been compensating with the right arm and haven't noticed how bad it was. Now I know.
So I sound all whiny, but I don't mean to be that way. Those short stumbles aside, I had "a great day at the track." I was there for an hour and then retrieved the kids from swimming and came home and started the major task of cleaning. Ick. We haven't even scratched the surface and Ken has been cleaning the entire day. Val and I joined him shortly after 3pm and are giving up now that it's night time.
I start work tomorrow. I have no idea how that will go. I'm going into a very challenging time with some new responsibilities and roles and so I'm hoping my energy will sustain me and help me succeed.
Beth is really starting off the new year with a bang! Three miles all at one time. Keep up the great work, Beth. You're amazing!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Dancing in the New Year
Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a nice celebration to remember the past and ring in the new.
Last night Ken and I went out to dinner with my friends Michelle and James. I've known James since grade school and was really tight with Michelle when she arrived as a new student our senior year. Michelle, Lee Ann, and I got into all kinds of trouble together that year and the summer afterward. Ken and I intended to hang out with them for awhile, listen to some low-key live music, and then head back to my parent's house. We certainly didn't expect to stay out to ring in the new year. However, after the low-key music we threw caution to the wind and followed M and J to the real "happenin" place in Broken Bow last night.
We rang in the new year dancing at a bar with a DJ. I actually danced with little restriction - and in heals! I even did the arm requirements for YMCA and Shout. We danced all types of dances, met lots of fun people, said "hi" to a few people I actually knew, and hung out with our good friends, M and J. By the end of the night, I had a sore place where the left expander was attached, but other than that, I was doing pretty well.
I took an Aleve before I went to bed and a half-dose of vicodan (codine and tylenol) at 5am to try to get ahead of the pain that I knew was coming. However, it's now nearly noon and I haven't taken anything else. Could it be that I actually got away with all that dancing? Incredible! It probably helps that I didn't drink too much last night so I could accurately gauge what I could do and adjust when something started to twinge. I had a few glasses of wine before, during, and after dinner, but then I drank diet coke and water at the dance place. Ok, I had one cherry bomb thing (a shot) at about 11pm to be social.
We left the dance bar and declined the after party. As we drove by the Jr. and Sr. High School I attended, Ken noticed the sign announced it was 1:11am on 1/1/10 and 11 degrees fahrenheit. I guess I'm starting all over with 1's. Running one mile at a time. One more surgery. Rehab one day at a time. But with lots of love and time with friends and family. No one could be more blessed.
Last night Ken and I went out to dinner with my friends Michelle and James. I've known James since grade school and was really tight with Michelle when she arrived as a new student our senior year. Michelle, Lee Ann, and I got into all kinds of trouble together that year and the summer afterward. Ken and I intended to hang out with them for awhile, listen to some low-key live music, and then head back to my parent's house. We certainly didn't expect to stay out to ring in the new year. However, after the low-key music we threw caution to the wind and followed M and J to the real "happenin" place in Broken Bow last night.
We rang in the new year dancing at a bar with a DJ. I actually danced with little restriction - and in heals! I even did the arm requirements for YMCA and Shout. We danced all types of dances, met lots of fun people, said "hi" to a few people I actually knew, and hung out with our good friends, M and J. By the end of the night, I had a sore place where the left expander was attached, but other than that, I was doing pretty well.
I took an Aleve before I went to bed and a half-dose of vicodan (codine and tylenol) at 5am to try to get ahead of the pain that I knew was coming. However, it's now nearly noon and I haven't taken anything else. Could it be that I actually got away with all that dancing? Incredible! It probably helps that I didn't drink too much last night so I could accurately gauge what I could do and adjust when something started to twinge. I had a few glasses of wine before, during, and after dinner, but then I drank diet coke and water at the dance place. Ok, I had one cherry bomb thing (a shot) at about 11pm to be social.
We left the dance bar and declined the after party. As we drove by the Jr. and Sr. High School I attended, Ken noticed the sign announced it was 1:11am on 1/1/10 and 11 degrees fahrenheit. I guess I'm starting all over with 1's. Running one mile at a time. One more surgery. Rehab one day at a time. But with lots of love and time with friends and family. No one could be more blessed.
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