Ringing in 2011

Ready to ring in the new year?  Already have?  I'm certainly looking forward to it.

It has been a challenging year with recoveries from breast cancer and reconstructive surgeries, significant work issues, and helping the kids navigate "growing up" events.  The successes earned during all that adversity have sparked a new year that is sure to be full of life, health, productivity, and learning.  I'm looking forward to so many exciting things in 2011.

Life

• I am honored to join podcasters and other members of the run net community at the Poco Loco in Boston on April 30, 2011.  We'll meet each other, run the event, and hang out all evening at a pub/restaurant.  It will be great to meet these people who I only know online. 
• My 7th Race for the Cure is on May 14, 2011.  I should be well trained from the Poco Loco!
• After the Poco Loco, I'll spend the rest of the year training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon.  Although I could never be mistaken for a princess, Becky has convinced me to run this all-women event with her in January 2012.  I've only run the 13.1 mile distance once (2008) so it will not be a walk-in-the-park for me.
• We'll be helping my parents get their retirement house ready by assisting with the construction of a new garage on the house they bought in Ohio.  They plan to move from Nebraska to Ohio in 2012.
• A family vacation will be planned for the summer, possibly to a lake in Canada again.
• As the kids get older and more responsible, Ken and I are able to get away more often to spend quality time, even if just for a few hours.

Health

• No more visits to the plastic surgeon!  I've decided to forego the optional reconstructive steps and will not get the nipple creation or areola tattoo this year.  I just don't think I need them and am worried they would get in the way of comfort/modesty while swimming and wearing braless outfits.
• My physical therapist group (Lymphedema specialists) is moving to a much more convenient location in January and I pledge to use their services more regularly in this new year.

Productivity/Work

• The second week in January, I will welcome a new manager to my team at work.  Welcome, Christina!
• A reorganization of my department has begun and the result will be more people to do what I have been trying to do alone.  We didn't actually get more people, but the work has been reorganized to add business analysts who will make a significant difference in our ability to select the best solutions and get the job done more effectively. 
• I am cautiously optimistic that I'll be hiring the other manager position on my team during the first quarter of the year.  I'm worried the budget shortfalls might cut the funding for that role, though.  I hope not!  The reorganization was designed with that role and doesn't work without it.

Learning

• Once we get the new organizational structure functioning effectively at work, I plan to finally put in the time required to learn about new technologies we can use to further the aspirations of OSU.  I've got a long list of things I need to research.
• Ken, the kids, and I will continue to learn together as we navigate through Valerie's early teenage/Junior High years and Jason's move to Middle School.
• We'll also learn much about basketball and travel baseball since Ken will be assisting Jason's coaches this year.
• I'll continue to learn from my OSU staff, colleagues, and leaders as we strive to simplify our processes and more effectively develop and leverage our talented faculty and staff.
• And I expect I'll figure out that I know less than I thought I knew about some things . . . and more than I gave myself credit for about other things.  That's the joy of continuous learning and challenging myself to be open to discovery in both the new and familiar.

It feels wonderful to toast the successes of 2010 and to move on to the many happy times 2011 will bring.  Cheers! 

Tomorrow's appointment

Tomorrow I have my first annual follow-up appointment with my surgical oncologist.  I've been so busy that I forgot about it until today.   I have no idea what to expect. I know I'll have a physical exam because I can't have mammograms anymore.  We'll probably talk about the lymphedema but I don't expect to learn anything from him about that.  It may be just a quick check for lumps that might be hiding in any breast tissue he left behind.  There should not be any breast tissue left behind, though - that's the whole intention of the bilateral mastectomy, after all.

This will be my first post-mastectomy appointment with a doctor who is not my plastic surgeon.  It will be strange to have someone else seeing my breasts now.  The scars are large and still very prominent, which means they will probably always be that way.  It's been more than 6 months since my last reconstructive surgery. 

Geeky old lady in the weight room

I thought I was coming home after work today, but right before running out the door this morning I decided to pack my gym bag, just in case.  Then it turned out that Jason had lots of homework so Ken took him home from swimming early and I waited at RPAC for Val. 

Since I was at RPAC anyway, I decided to do a weight-training workout.  In my gym bag I found my compression shorts but no shorts to go over them.  I also found the above-the-ankles socks instead of the shorter ones.  Great.  Oh well, I decided I wouldn't be a slave to fashion (or embarrassment), so I went to work out anyway.  I wore my longest compression shorts (almost to my knees), a short-ish OSU v-neck tshirt, above-the-ankle socks folded down, weight lifting gloves, my Ironman watch (I thought I might run afterward), and my running shoes.  I laughed as I walked into RPAC knowing I'd be "that geeky old lady in the weight room." 

To match my geeky outfit, I decided to listen to the Wicked soundtrack on my Blackberry during the workout.  I did all upper-body work, including several (5 or 6) sets of 10 benching the bar (45 lbs).  I also did lots of curls, some triceps, obliques, and smaller arm muscles.  As I was finishing up, Dan, one of my staff members, came over and said hi.  He had seen me at the bench press.  Great.  Dan is 20-something and very strong, athletic, and active.  So now I'm the geeky old boss lady in the weight room.  I was quick to tell Dan that I used to bench 105lbs but since they cut both pecs in half, I've just started benching the bar.  He was great and said "Well, hey, you have to start again somewhere."   You are so right, Dan.  Thanks for being genuinely supportive.

Aside from my attire in the weight room, the "funny" for the day was Val's conversation with a friend.  Her friend asked what Val's favorite subject was in school.  Val said she liked Language Arts/English the best. Then she qualified that statement with "well, except I don't like the words."

Swell weekend (pun intended)

After doing two 5 milers this week, I thought I'd better take it a little light this weekend.  I don't want to get injured.  And my hand is swelling more now.  Saturday, I did a quick run before Jason's volleyball game.  I put in 2 miles, 10:13 and 10:03.  Because I knew I was short on time, and because I planned to run a short distance, I decided to run the whole time.  I didn't take the 1 minute walk break after every 3 minutes as I've been doing on longer runs.  Interestingly, my miles weren't any faster without the walk breaks.  After running the two miles, I walked another .33 home to cool down.

Jason's volleyball game was fun.  He is playing with the 5th and 6th graders (he's a young 4th grader).  Ken is coaching the team with a friend of ours, Jeff, who has a 5th grade daughter.  We decided to have Jason play up so Jeff and Ken could coach together and Jason wouldn't have to play on teams with his 4th grade girl classmates.  Besides, he filled in for Val's 5th and 6th grade team last year when we had two injured players.  We knew he could hang with the group.  And he did.

He had a great first game.  His serve is wicked when it is in bounds.  He has a bit of trouble with control, but it's a strong overhand serve that kids at that level can rarely handle.  At one time up, he served 5 times over in a row and then they make them rotate so the games don't get stalled with just one kid serving the whole game. Another girl on our time had the same success. 

Jason's team won all three sets and then he and Ken went to the OSU game while I took Val and a friend to a movie at Easton.  Actually, I dropped them off at the front door and they bought their own tickets, refreshments, and went to the movie (Flipped). 

While they were at the movie, I went to Starbucks and had iced black tea and read my book.  I also went to Victoria Secret to look at bras.  I finally had enough courage to let someone measure me and she pegged me for a solid 36B.  That's what I was before the cancer and surgeries, so that's good.  The 36B bras at Kohls didn't really work.  However, the wireless ones at Victoria Secret were fine.  I bought two.  They aren't the fancy ones you think of when you hear "Victoria Secret," though.  These are the bras at the back of the store by the dressing rooms.  The ones in drawers and without much marketing or style fanfare.  No wires or push-up padding.  I can't use those things anymore.  I don't squish that way.  Although 90% of the bras in the store were off-limits to me, I left feeling much more positive about my plight than I have in a long time.  I'm a 36B and I have two bras that pretty much fit. 

I'm not feeling great about my hand, though.  It is swelling this weekend.  After my run on Saturday, I wore the cotton glove with the bean bag on the back to press down my swelling.  It kind of works.  The swelling overall goes down, but some places stay puffy so it looks strange when the glove comes off.  Tonight I'm trying my compression glove again - with the folded up pieces of cardboard that serve to loosen the wrist band.  We'll see if that helps or not.  I've got another PT appointment at 9am tomorrow morning.  I hope they will listen to me this time and request the wrist band be made significantly looser, like maybe a 1/2 inch or more.  Last time they disagreed with my assessment and were reluctant to change it.  They only requested it to be 1/8 larger and ordered a wider wrist band thinking that might make it more comfortable.  Nope.  Didn't work.  Let's try it again.  I hope the third time is a charm and not a strike.

Capable Val

This morning I completed at least a thousand forms for Jason's first day of school . . . by the way, when are they going to learn that you record an address in one place and then access it everywhere?!?! . . . .  Sorry for the tirade . . . anyway, during this process I said to Val, "Val - I need the number for the Children's hospital emergency place here on Diley."  She jumped on the computer and in a matter of seconds asked, ". . . the one in Canal Winchester?"  "Yes, that's it."  And wham - I had the number.  Amazing.  It's incredible how she has grown into such a capable young woman.

As for me, I've been remiss in writing again.  Some updates:

• I had a follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon.  It was uneventful.  I told him I didn't want to begin talking about nipple construction and areola tattoos.  His nurse showed me some pictures of nipples and areolas they have done, but she said she didn't have any really good pics because the doc never gets them to her.  She was right, none of the pics made me want to rush right out and join their ranks.  The doc talked a little about replacing the implants with bigger ones but conceded that doing so would not change the overall shape, just the volume.  I'm fine with the volume.  So I'm done hanging out with the plastics group.  I may go back if/when the scars fade and I decide to do the tattoo procedure.
• My hand was pretty swollen this week.  I think my custom glove is too tight on my wrist and thus keeps the fluid from draining out of my hand.  It does a great job keeping my fingers small though. At least one day this week, I'd rank the lymphedma at a 6 out of 10 which is the worst I've seen it so far.  I've got an appointment with the physical therapist/lymphedema specialist on Monday.
• I played softball and volleyball at a work picnic (staff appreciation event) yesterday.  I suppose we played about an hour of softball and more than 2 hours of volleyball.  My sides are sore and I think it's from the serving.  I probably served 40 times.  Although we played in sand, my ankle was fine.
• My ankle hasn't changed much in general.  It's still a problem when I get up from sitting.  Taking ibuprofen helps, so I think Jim was right and the issue is inflammation.  I need to be more consistent with the ibuprofen and I might be able to get it to go away. 
• School starts Monday and that's also the day of Valerie's first Volleyball game.   

Fabulous weekend!

Where to start?

Wicked was an incredible show. If you haven't seen it, get tickets now. I read the book years ago and thought it was pretty dark and weird, so I was a little wary. As it turns out, I was blown away.  The show was funny and interesting and very well done.  Glenda was hilarious and a lot like Sharpay in High School Musical (the actress actually played that role, too).  Elphaba was green all over - very green.  She was also surprisingly girl-like and very real. 

The music was great.  Ken says the Defying Gravity song is so "me" and I can see that from his viewpoint, certainly, especially given the year I've had.  It's a song about personal power.  Elphaba has strong convictions, refuses to be brought down, does not accept that something can't be done until she tries it, trusts her instincts, takes risks, and chooses the right way, not the easy way.  I know I certainly value those things and try to live with a similar passion and courage. I know it also gets me in to trouble sometimes and I need a bucket of water thrown on me.

When we got home, I downloaded the CD of the original Wicked cast and I put it on Ken's new Droid and my Blackberry. I also bought a green Defying Gravity T-shirt which I wore to the Dublin Irish Fest today.  I guess I was a bit clueless about how the shirt might seem to those who haven't seen the show.  One guy snickered and only then did I realize that I had "Defy Gravity" written across my chest.  Hmmm.  I'm surprised that was the only response I noticed all day, after all, we were there for 10 hours.  Oh well.  I guess defying gravity is certainly something my new chest will always do. Who knew the shirt would have a literal meaning too?  How apropos. 

The festival was really great. It was warm, but we spent most of the day in the Dublin Stage tent enjoying the bands and partaking of Irish and fair-type food, Mike's Hard Lemonade, beer, water and Iced Tea. Other than the half mile jog to get there from the parking lot, today was not a day of exercise and wise food choices.

All the bands were very good but we most enjoyed the band called Solas and bought the CD.  Natalie MacMaster was amazing too.  She was one of the best performers I've ever seen.

9 miles cycling

A big thing around Columbus and OSU these days is the upcoming Pelotonia cycling event.  Last year, Lance Armstrong rode part of the event (for promotional purposes, not as a race).  In 2 weeks, riders will take the the streets again to raise money for the James Cancer Hospital (where I was treated for my breast cancer).  Riders can choose from 4 different routes/distances as below:

• Columbus to Groveport (~ 23 miles) - must raise $1000 for Cancer Research
• Columbus to Amanda (~ 43 miles) - must raise $1000 for Cancer Research
• Columbus to Athens (~ 102 miles) - must raise $1500 for Cancer Research
• Columbus to Athens and Back (~ 180 miles) - must raise  $2000 for Cancer

I know several people doing the whole thing, including one of my staff members (go Sean!).

 

Right now it's common to see cyclists training for the event - they are everywhere.  People ask me if I'm doing it - I guess they figure since I'm a runner, I must be in shape in general.  Oh no.  Nope.  Not me.  I'm intimidated by the bike.  All those gears and tires that need changing and riding so fast and dangerous wipeouts and the cars flying by from behind me.  Scary. 

Yet today, Ken had the great idea to ride our bikes to my parents' new house.  It's a little over 4 miles using the shortest route and almost 5 miles the longer route.  I was wary because of the busy streets and such.    But we did it anyway and, though it wasn't easy for me, it wasn't terrible either.  A couple hills were tough and it was all I could do to just keep my legs moving while in low gear. But we didn't have to walk the bikes, so that's great.  And even more exciting news: My hand/fingers didn't swell from the ride or house work.  Amazing.

We have Trek mountain bikes that are 15 years old.  They certainly aren't road bikes.  But that's okay.  I didn't want to go any faster than I did.  Ken had me lead the whole way so he wouldn't leave me in the dust.  That was smart.  We took the short route on the way there and the longer route on the way back.  We spent about 2 hours at the house doing repair/maintenance work. 

Speaking of my parents house, I think we rented the house today.  We still need to sign the papers and get the money, but we have a renter who has been through the application and credit check and she's excited about being able to move in soon. 

In other exercise news . . . I did 5 push-ups today.  Real ones.  My pecs were a little annoyed by the blatant ramp-up of rehab, but it felt good mentally to be able to do some push-ups.  Before the surgeries, I could do about 15 or so at a time.  I'm also keeping my weight steady (still down 10+ pounds since late May) by eating South Beach-like for most meals but allowing non-diet things like martinis, beer, chicken nachos, etc. on occasion.

Tonight we have a softball game.  That probably won't be much exercise, though, unless I get stuck batting before Ken or Matt and have to sprint from first to home.  Throwing is tough with weaker muscles, though.  I don't have much of an arm right now.  It's wimpy.  I asked Ken (shortstop) if he might get the cut-offs from right field.  I wouldn't have a problem getting the cut off, but after I have it, I can't throw it in to second, third, or home from out there.  Our first base might be able cover cutoffs, too.  We'll make it work. 
  

Weights workout

I went to RPAC (OSU gym) and worked out today while the kids were at swim team practice.  I started with the stationary bike for 10 minutes (2 miles) and then went to the free weight area.  There, I decided to start very, very easy. 

Years ago, about 6 months after Jason was born, I started sharing a personal trainer with 4 other women.  I was 30 pounds overweight and looking for something to make a difference. Swimming hadn't helped.  Anyway, I learned quickly that I was strong.  Well, my upper body was strong.  I could out-lift the other women in any upper body exercise, especially bench press.  When we started bench press, some women had to use an alternate bar because the 40 lb bar was too heavy.  I used the 40 lb bar and put weights on it.  Throughout the 5 years I worked out with the group, I worked up to benching 105 pounds. 

I know all that is water under the bridge, but I shared it in this post because it really puts today into context.  I didn't go near the bench press with the real bar today, but I took some tiny free weights, 5 lbs each, and did a bench press with them.  Yes, 10 pounds.  After 10 reps, it felt weird.  My pec muscles tightened and were crampy.  My pecs have been sheltered from lifting or significant work since the doctor cut them to put in the expander (November).  Also, they are no longer flat against my chest wall, but curvy on top of my implants. The result is a totally different experience with the bench press.  I had a similar feeling when trying to swim breaststroke (what used to be my best stroke) in Nebraska. 

After the depressing benching attempt, I did several other exercises and came back to bench press several times throughout the workout.  Toward the end, I was using the 7.5 weights (so a 15 pound bench press), and was able to do reps of 10, but it felt very uncomfortable and like my pecs were cramping. 

Hmmmm, from 105 pounds to 15.  That's a scary thought, isn't it?  Even if I take into account that prior to the mastectomy I might have only been able to bench 80 pounds (which is likely), it still is a major drop from 80 to 15 pounds. 

The rest of the weights workout was okay.  I didn't push myself much and kept to very small weights, exercise balls, and medicine balls.  I also used the leg press machine, the row machine, and finished up with some stretching.  I'm able to do more yoga positions now that I'm allowed to use my arms and chest again.  The workout was about 90 minutes so I decided not to run or walk today.

Day 47 of South Beach Diet
Breakfast: 2 eggs over-medium
Lunch: spinach salad with cucumbers and roasted chicken; spicy hummus for dressing (yes, again)
Snack: soy nuts
Dinner: tuna with a little Miracle whip, an avocado, and some cheese
Dessert: Ricota cheese/cocoa dessert (diet friendly)
Drinks: water all day

Oh, and the best news from today - I've lost the weight I gained over vacation.  Yea!  So I'm about 10 pounds down from where I was the Friday after surgery (May 28).

Swimming laps

This morning I did an almost carbon copy workout of yesterday.  I walked 3.61 miles in 51:21.  The 5K was 43:21 and my miles were 15:11, 13:20, and 13:49.

After lunch, we went to the pool and I did a second workout.  I swam laps.  Wow.  I haven't done any swimming since last summer - pre-cancer and pre-surgeries.  I used to have much more upper body strength than most women, especially for my age.  After the surgeries and reconstruction process which restricted me from lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 7 months, well . . . I'm a weakling.  I used to swim just a couple of times a year and I could still jump in and swim a mile anytime I felt like it.  I wasn't fast, but I could switch strokes when muscles became tired and I could just go and go. 

Today swimming 500 meters was tough.  I will be sore tomorrow, too I'm sure.  Breaststroke was particularly difficult.  The first 100 was okay.  Then I did a 100 of freestyle and started breaststroke again after the turn.  I only got about 25 meters when I realized my pecs were not happy about it.  I finished that 50 (I was swimming long course) and then did backstroke on the way back.  I found backstroke wasn't too easy either.  Overall, I ended up doing 75 meters of breast, 50 of back, and the rest was freestyle.

So today I learned I can swim, which is great news.  Of course, I can't swim like I did pre-cancer, but that is to be expected.  I need to work on the following:
Backstroke: arm/shoulder/pec flexibility
Breaststroke: pec strength and endurance
Freestyle: tricep strength and endurance

I didn't even try the butterfly.  I couldn't do it well before the surgeries and I'm fine with giving up that stroke for life. 

Day 38 of South Beach Diet
Breakfast: hard boiled egg and a shot of skim milk
Lunch: romaine and spinach salad with cucumbers, rib eye steak, black beans, and a dressing of sour cream and salsa
Snack: smoothie with whey protein, sugar-free chocolate flavor, skim milk, and ice after swimming; later also had some soy nuts
Dinner: grilled chicken and grilled veggies (green, red, and yellow peppers, mushrooms, onions, and zucchini)
Drinks: water, iced tea

Tomorrow I'll officially be able to run - 6 weeks post-surgery. Also, I'm cleared to begin lifting weights and  things heavier than a gallon of milk.  I'm considering how I'll build up some upper body strength safely.  The James Cancer Center programming group doesn't have a class related to weight training. Maybe I'll talk with my plastic surgery group to see if they can refer me to a physical therapist or personal trainer with experience related to rehab. If anyone has advice on this, let me know.

Tried running

At my post-op appointment yesterday, the doc was wishy-washy on the running thing.  I asked several times before the operation and he said 6 weeks.  Consistently.  Then, during my appointment on Thursday, Ken asked about running and the doc said 4 weeks (which was this week).

So I decided to be wishy-washy myself.  I alternated walking and running a 5K which I did in 39:16.  It was nearly dark and then completely dark, so I couldn't count on glancing at my watch to know when to switch, so I just switched every time a song changed on my mp3 player.  So that's (very roughly) 3 minutes walking, followed by 3 minutes running.  My miles were 14:08, 11:53, and 12:03.  My pace varied widely, which is not at all how I usually run.  I'm usually pretty consistent.  Today my running pace ranged from 8:11 (downhill at the end of a mile) to 11:57 (uphill and nearing the end of a song).

The more important news though is how the running impacted my chest and lymphedema.  Neither is great news. 

Even though I had finger sleeves on two fingers, my left index finger swelled a little more with this walk/run.  I can't tell whether my middle finger or the back of my hand swelled too.  Maybe a little. I have a finger sleeve on the problem finger and a compression glove on right now.  I hope it helps.

As for my chest . . . when I started the process walking, that was fine.  However, very quickly after I started running I realized I had the wrong bra on.  In my haste to beat the darkness, I didn't change out of the cotton sports bra I had on during Val's softball game.  So after mile 1, I stopped at my house and ran in to change bras.  I put the most compressing running bra I have on and then went back out.  The new bra helped a lot, but I was still surprised by the bounce. 

I know it's been 7 months since I had real breasts, and having those huge unmovable bricks for 6 months is burned in my memory, but I'm pretty sure I did not bounce as much in November as I did today.  Granted, my larger chested friends would slap me up-side the head if they heard me talking like this, because I'm describing a very slight shift as a bounce.  I doubt anyone but me would notice it.  However, it's strange because I honestly think the implants are softer and bouncier than my real ones.  It defies reason.  They are smaller, made of of gel, but somehow bouncier. 

When getting into the shower after the run, I also noticed that the scars were not happy about the run either.  They were bright red (especially the right one) and not amused at the beating they just took for nearly 40 minutes.  Now I'm wearing my post-op zip-in-the-front compression bra.  I'll wear it to bed tonight to make amends.

Given how the running went tonight, I think I'll give it a rest for awhile and try again after my countdown is done on July 6.

Day 28 of South Beach Diet
Breakfast: I had breakfast at Eggfast by my office.  It was really, really good. I had Migas (Tex-Mex scrambled eggs) with chorizo (seasoned pork) and chipotle sauce.  It was spicy and wonderful.  I had them hold the chips and tortillas.
Lunch: chicken lunch meat
Snack: string cheese, piece of colby, and half an avocado
Dinner: 5.5oz V8 and soy nuts at Val's baseball game
I didn't mean to eat so little today, I just ate on-the-go all day and only got a sit-down meal at breakfast.

Post-op appointment #2

I did not make time to walk today.  And our main computer broke.  And Ken needs the laptop, so this will be short.

Day 27 of South Beach Diet:
Breakfast: chicken lunch meat
Lunch: hummus on romaine and mixed greens; cucumbers
Dinner: chicken lunch meat, cheese stick, cocoa roasted almonds
Drinks: water all day

I had a post-op appointment with the plastic surgeon today.  It was pretty uneventful and I don't have much to report.  After the 6 week countdown is complete, I can start doing weights again in addition to running.  I can wear underwire bras now if I can tolerate them (he says most women don't tolerate them well).  Oh, and I almost forgot . . . he took off the steri-strips that had practically merged with my skin.  OK, so it wasn't that bad, but he was amazed they were still on and attached so well.

Plastics follow up appt

I had my first post-surgery follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon.  Here's the summary:

1. We agreed I'm a little small but didn't determine whether I might have been more happy with the next size up because it's 25cc more which might be too much for me.  He said these implants took most of the left/right space that I had, so larger would have spread out more.  I don't want to spread side-to-side anymore at all, so he may be right.  This may be all the bigger I can get without invading my underarms again.
2. He explained that he didn't think high profile implants were for me because they would leave a "shelf" on the top of the chest ("a place to set your coffee cup") which I didn't like at all about the expanders.
3. He was really happy with the natural look of the top half and cleavage area.  I am too.  He also likes the symmetry.
4. He said the bottom connection area doesn't look as natural and it's really difficult to get that to look natural.
5. I'm still swollen, so he said I'll probably get even smaller and we need to check symmetry again after the swelling goes down.  
6. I need to continue to wear sports bras all the time until I see him next time (3 weeks).
7. No running yet, obviously.  No lifting either.

He didn't bat an eye that I wasn't wearing the post-surgical bra he gave me.  I was wearing a full coverage, heavy sports bra, instead.  Yea.  I'll continue wearing my sports bras during the day and only wear the surgical one at night.

After my appointment, I went to my office and worked for nearly 5 hours, including 2 meetings.
After fighting the hand wrap at work today (see previous post), I went to a drug store to try to find another option. It just isn't going to work for me. It was falling apart in many places today (it did that yesterday too, when the PT wrapped it) and it was distracting and annoying and I really doubted it could possibly be working since it was so loose and messed up. Then I came home, took off the wrap and tried a bunch of options before settling on some finger sleeves with the compression glove the PT gave me as a backup to the wrap.

One of the parents at swimming is a massage therapist and she talked with me about the massage method for draining to treat Lymphedema. I was trying to squeeze the fluid down my finger into my hand, but she said the lymph system is already full, so that won't work. I'm supposed to start up high in the chest area and do little bits at a time to then siphon the fluid out of the fingers. The fingers don't get massaged until last. That makes sense. I'll try it.

Day 6 of South Beach Diet
Breakfast: fried egg and 2 pieces of bacon (not greasy)
Lunch: left over steak, a mini cucumber, snack bag of peanuts, and a piece of string cheese
Snack: piece of string cheese
Dinner: a piece of ham lunchmeat and a piece of Laughing Cow low fat cheese (wasn't hungry)
Drinks: water all day

I didn't have enough time to walk the three miles today, but I came close. I put in 2.67 miles with the mile paces at 16:45 and 16:42. I wore the glove during the walk of course. I also pumped my fingers like I was squeezing a ball, like the PT suggested.

Good news:  after my compression and activity today, my pointer finger is noticeably smaller (yes, I took the glove off before posting tonight).  I'll have Ken wrap it or something for the night, though.  We need to keep it compressed all the time for awhile.  I want to kick this thing if it is at all possible.

I got a comment on my last post from Marie-Carole Gallien, a women who also has Lymphedema as a result of breast cancer surgery.  She was nice enough to give me some web resources to check out.  I may find some time to do that tomorrow.  Thank you, Marie-Carole!

Breast Cancer Vaccine?

Hope your Memorial Day was good.  It was a beautiful day here.

I am sore today.  The yoga kicked my butt, evidently.  I was so sore after sitting through the Shrek 4 movie (the movie was surprisingly good, by the way), that I winced walking down the aisle and even more so going down the stairs.

Since I was hurting, I intended to go out for a 1 mile walk, followed by lots of stretching, followed by a longer walk.  I didn't do that though.  My hamstrings loosened up while walking so I went ahead and walked 3.26 miles.  The last mile or so my IT-bands (iliotibial band) and hip flexors were really, really tight. 

I then spent about an hour stretching; first on the steps in front of my house and then in front of the TV.  After the stretching and a hot shower, I'm not as sore.

I backed off on the really fast walking today.  No, not because Jim said I was approaching my running pace. I gave him an eSock in the shoulder for that jab!  I know he was teasing, but he's not too far off the mark.  I slowed down out of necessity because I was sore.  My miles were 17:47, 17:19, and 17:22.  My 5K was 54:04 (much slower than my 49 minutes yesterday). 

Day 3 of South Beach Diet
Breakfast: Lean turkey lunchmeat, a piece of cheese, and a 5.5oz V8
Lunch: Chicken breast strips on spring mix greens, spinach, cucumbers with roasted red pepper hummus as dressing
Snack: Handful of raw almonds
Dinner: My Memorial Day cookout meal was a blue cheese burger (no bun), raw califlower, a mini cucumber, and black beans (I LOVE plain black beans). 
Drink: water all day (and water is all I had at the movie, too)

Now for some really interesting news.  It seems some researchers are making significant progress toward a breast cancer vaccine.  Now that's news.  I certainly hope it turns out like they think it might.  I learned about this on a new blog I've started following, Julie Olsen's Journey.

I also found a new podcast that I really like, Geek Girl Runner.  At the bottom of my blog page (scroll down to the bottom of the second column), you'll find links to her most recent episodes as well as those of Steverunner.

Shape is not great

I took a shower today.  Was nice and didnt hurt, thank goodness.  As for peaking at the surgery results, I'm not thrilled.  I wish the doc had put in high profile implants because I look like I'm always smooshed in a sports bra.  The shape isn't natural.  And I should have listened to the doc and gone another size up.  I swear I look half the size I was with the expanders.  I'm smaller than before I got cancer.  However, I don't think the size would be much of an issue for me if the shape were less pancake-like and more pointy.  Bras won't fit right, that's for sure.  Some of the shirts I had to layoff for the past 6 months are now options to wear again, though.

Today I drove for the first time since surgery.  It made my arms tired.  Weird.  It didn't hurt at all, but it was actually tiring (no car pun intended) to manage the steering wheel.

I did some errands, some work, talked with my boss, finished a book, took a nap, and attempted to watch a "family night" movie.  We tried to watch Old Dogs, but it was so bad, we unanimously decided to turn it off.  The kids then watched Disney channel while Ken and I went out for a walk.

During yesterday's walk, I pulled Val along trying to get her to keep up.  Today, Ken played that role for me.  I had a tough time keeping up with him.  We walked 2.43 miles and the full miles were 17:30 and 17:38. 

I'm looking forward to this long weekend with no sports events or places we have to be.  We have to do yard work (but not me) and get new tires for the van (again, not me).  I'm not sure what else is on the agenda.  I guess we'll wait and see.  I'd like to get to the Library if it's open and to walk everyday if I can keep the motivation going.

Ode to Expanders

What a whirlwind week!  With all the soccer, baseball, and softball games, the Race for the Cure, and getting my work life in order to be gone for 2 weeks . . . whew!  It's time for a break.  Oh.  Wait.  No time for that.  My surgery is TOMORROW.

I found a new-to-me blogger who posted about getting expanders replaced and she sounded pretty happy about the way surgery went and the result.  Beth was also positive.  And I'm thinking good thoughts. Actually, I'm probably minimizing this surgery because I've really not given it much thought at all.  I'm officially off work for two weeks, but I expect to be working from home the second week.  Hey, I'm usually an optimist, why stop now?

Ode to Expanders

Oh makers of the cavity
You made me squirm and whine
Defiers of all gravity
You've finally served your time

Great service you have given me
To ensure my work and run
Time to bid farewell with glee
Your work with me is done

Replacement is a longer term
Gel that keeps its form
Softer, smaller, not as firm
A replica of past conform

Tho new will be my body art
I promise you enjoy
A special place in my heart
For above I'm not a boy

Ok, so I'm no poet.  And I really got stuck on the last stanza.  But hey, it's late and everyone is scowling at me because I'm not in bed.

Thank you all for your prayers, vibes, and good wishes.  Ken will update the blog tomorrow to let you know how I'm doing.

Spring is here!

What a beautiful weekend. I got a run in, but I ran on a trail . . . in the spring. . . in the mud, so it certainly isn't worth giving mile pace stats. I walked as much (or more) than I ran. But it was great to get out and enjoy spring.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Beth had her surgery. Most recently she notes that she is so happy with the improvement over the expanders. She even mentions how soft they are.  Ahhh, soft. I remember soft. Oh how I long for soft again. I've had enough of the bricks.

I was doing so much better because I wasn't hurting and I could run and even play volleyball . . .  so I thought all was okay for awhile. However, now that we're in springtime, I'm getting very impatient. My more summer-like clothes do much less covering of these huge melons and I think the skin around them is getting more pliable but the insides aren't.  The result is more tugging at the stitches. That doesn't cause lots of pain (yet) but it is annoying, mostly at night when trying to sleep. I can foresee a time when it will be a problem when running. I hope that doesn't come too soon before the Race for the Cure. I still plan to run it.

Come and run or walk with us! Tom Reeves joined and he is walking the distance. Thanks, Tom!  Ken and Jason will probably walk/run. Val may try to run or walk/run. I plan to run slowly. 

To join our team go to

http://columbus.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/CLM_ColumbusAffiliate?pg=team&fr_id=1644&team_id=128827

and click on the Join Team link as shown in the pic below.  The site isn't designed very well (my team would do a more intuitive design - kudos for Dan/Lyndsay/Corey/Brent/Keith!) but don't be discouraged by the design.  If you click on the Join Team link, it will walk you through the process to sign up and will automatically add you to our team, even though words on the sign up pages make it seem like you are signing up with no team.

You can also go to the team site to donate without walking/running.  Just click on a person's name or the Donate to the Team button to offer a contribution to this great cause.  Let's make this experience less tramatic for all the women who will go through this ordeal in the years to come . . . and for all the girls like Valerie who I hope will have better ways for clear detection.

Walking

I got out of a meeting early today and I was starving. Since it was mid afternoon, I didn't want to eat anything (I had a light lunch at 11am) so I thought if I worked out it might help me get past the hungry stage. I know when I'm home and tired or hungry and I go out for a run, I often get past it without resorting to taking a nap or eating too much and blowing the weight loss process.

I wished I'd brought my workout stuff so I could take advantage of the unexpected time. Then I figured that I didn't have to be so constrained. It was Friday. I was in jeans and my trail running shoes. So I decided to go to RPAC to walk around the track. However, the Big 10 Men's Swimming Champs are going on at that location and parking is at a premium, so I went to the OAC (Outdoor Adventure Center) instead. I had never been there, but it was great. OAC doesn't have a track, but they have lots of machines. I got on a treadmill and walked almost 2 miles in 30 minutes.  That got me through to 6pm when I ate dinner.  Yea!

While walking I also did some oblique work by exaggerating the twist of walking. After about 20 minutes, my sides got a bit sore where the expanders are attached under my arms, but not too bad. I'm not nearly as sore as I expected to be after doing the ab workout yesterday.

The weight loss thing isn't going that great so far. I'm inconsistent in strategy and not committed enough, I think. I seem to get committed for a few days at a time and then give it all up again. Yesterday and today are good. We'll see if I can keep it going. How do you do that with all the other things competing for your attention and commitment? I know I did it 5 years ago. I should be able to do it again. I need to - my clothes don't fit.

It snowing here and the roads are getting pretty bad.  I doubt the weather will cancel Jason's swim meet this weekend, but I'm pretty sure I won't be running outside. I also won't have time to go to OSU for an inside workout. At least I got the walk in today.

Recovery time . . . or not

So I'm behaving like it's recovery time.  Like I'm through it all and now it's time to reclaim my body, my activity, my crazy schedule, myself. 

Today I even used shoveling snow for an hour as my workout.  It was really, dry, powdery snow and not at all heavy, so don't worry.  I just took the shovel and took care of the driveway and sidewalks.  Then, because I was enjoying being out there and the snow was coming down quite a bit while I was shoveling, I did it all again.  There was about 3 inches the first time and just a dusting the second time.  I even toyed with going for a run because it was great out.  However, Jason had a friend over and I couldn't leave them unsupervised.  Besides, the hour of shoveling was an okay workout; not overly aerobic or challenging, but it got me moving.  I'm starting to be more generous with what I consider a workout.

Anyway, I opened this post by noting that I'm behaving like it's time to make everything go back to normal. I'm acting like I need to push this rehab thing and then it will all be over. Yet I know that's not quite true.  I read Beth's blog today and I'm going to quote part of it here because I know some of you don't really follow the links.  (Ha, ha!  Caught you!  You blew right by that link, didn't you?)  Beth is referencing a friend of hers who is also going through breast reconstruction and she's a few months ahead of us in the process.  Yesterday she had surgery to replace her expanders with the real implants.  Beth got to see her and below is her subsequent blog post:

She looked wiped out and was in some pain. She said her expanders had started to separate and so he had to stitch her up on the inside to keep the implants closer together, ouch. She did say however that this pain was nothing compared to last time, thank God. I am nervous, already. I hate to go through this again, to be completely useless for a week and then the physical restrictions for another 3 weeks and no running yet again for 8 weeks.

I know all this is true. It will also happen to me. It's required. I have to go back and have surgery and lose all this progress I'm making. I guess I'm just in denial right now. I want to be back. For good. Now.